Having a

Happy Family

is the main goal in life. Family is also the favorite destination because there is safe, warm, comfort, motivation and support.

Husbands: Don’t Hesitate to Say “Thank You” to Your Wife!

>> Oct 29, 2009

Having received a poem gift last week makes me more realize about the importance of sincerely often saying “thank you” in tightening a relationship between husband and wife. I become to feel that I’m a special person; I feel that I was appreciated, at least, by my husband… It truly gives me more energy and enthusiasm to go through my following life. Do you also experience how powerful the sincere “thank you” expression in your daily marriage life?

I remembered that I’ve ever read a wife’s true experience on a psychology article of a newspaper. The wife suffered depression, lack of self confidence, moreover, she felt useless and so empty inside her heart. She had it so badly until she wanted to kill herself. Fortunately, she’s a smart woman; she’s trying to know what exactly happened to her by consulting her condition to an expert.

The woman, well, let’s call her Ann here, was used to be a career woman. After getting pregnant, Ann decided to be a full stay at home wife. Was it that made her depressed? No, Ann said that she can enjoy the life as a stay at home wife, nothing problem with that. Ann also said that Bill, the husband, have never hurt her physically. Time goes by, Ann felt harder and harder to go through her daily life. She did her routines in empty heart and mind.

Ann’s friends and relatives hadn’t never suspected how bad her psychic condition. From the outside, people around her looked Ann’s family as a happy one. She lives at a beautiful house, Bill is a successful person and her daughter is healthy and adorable. What Ann didn’t have actually?

After several therapies with a psychologist, the answer was revealed. It turned out that Ann has never get thankful expression from her husband. Bill NEVER SAID “thank you” to Ann, for everything she’s done, Bill has never given emotional interaction, NEVER! Can you imagine how bad the consequences of never having sincere thankful expression to a smart woman like Ann? Poor her…

Yes, I wrote a woman’s story here, but it doesn’t mean that a wife doesn’t need to do the same thing. At every appropriate moment, a wife shouldn’t hesitate to say “thank you” to her husband, too. I wrote this post just for reminding all of us, married couples, how we sometimes forget to say simple words but very important thing like “thank you” to our beloved partner. Hope we all get the lesson...

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A Poem Gift

>> Oct 26, 2009

Since this morning, after having sick for weeks, my hubby has begin his daily routines, running a small restaurant that belongs to his big brother. I’m so happy to see him able to do his activities again…
Last Friday, my hubby gave me a short beautiful poem. He said that it was a thankful gift for my gentle caring while he’s sick those days. It’s a big surprise because he has never done like this before. Was I touched? Of course!!! It’s no needed a ring or a bunch of red roses to please a wife… Husbands, a make-it- yourself poem like this is so priceless…

Well, I want to share the poem in this post. The poem is in Indonesian language, because his English is worse than me (sorry, hubby…). I’ll mention the original one first and then its translation. You may think it’s just an ordinary and nothing special poem, but, for me, it’s full of deepest love...

Sobat semua, di sini saya ingin berbagi sebuah puisi yang saya terima dari suami pada hari Jum’at lalu. Dia bilang, puisi ini adalah tanda terima kasih karena telah mendampinginya selama sakit. Mungkin Sobat bilang ini sih puisi ‘gombal’ biasa saja; tapi bagi seorang istri seperti saya, mendapat hadiah sebuah puisi ‘gombal’ seperti ini adalah LUAR BIASA, karena saya tahu, ada kedalaman cinta di dalamnya… Ayo dong, Sobat yang para suami, buat istri Sobat bahagia dengan mempersembahkan puisi untuknya!!
Kau adalah pujaanku ketika aku ingin memuja
Kau seperti darah yang mengalir dalam hidupku
Kau tidaklah pantas untuk kuberikan kasih sayang...tapi kau berhak mendapatkannya dengan sepenuh hati dariku
Kau bukanlah sebuah altar... tapi ... kau seperti altar yang selalu medapat pujian & pujaan
Kau bukan manusia biasa...dalam hidupku, kau adalah seorang yang luar biasa
Wahai Istriku nan cantik budi pekertinya, aku sangat menyayangi & mengagumimu
Cinta dan kasih sayangku yang biasa dan istimewa, semua ingin kuberikan untukmu...
I’ve translated the poem for you:

You are my adoration when I want to adore
You are like blood that running in my life
You are not decent to be given love… but you deserve to have completely love from me
You are not an altar…but…you are like an altar that always get compliment and worship
You are not an ordinary person…in my life, you are an extraordinary one
My beloved kind wife, I love and adore you so much
My love and affection -ordinary and special- I want to give it all to you…

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Emotional Affair vs Sexual Affair (2)

>> Oct 22, 2009


As I said before, I continue my previous post here. Here are the following points:

What are the possible causal factors of emotional affair?
A married man or woman can get into this emotional affair for various reasons, but, basically, there are two main reasons. First, you are in unstable emotion or having stress. Second, there are certain emotional needs that you can’t get in your marriage.

Emotional affair, that can be seems so enjoyable, will be your appropriate ‘running away’ place from your life crisis. If you can’t settle your causes of stress, this emotional affair can be your weak point that can destroy your marriage...
Why emotional affair can be more dangerous than sexual affair?
Sexual affair isn’t the only one of cheating type. You still can hurt your husband even though you avoid intimating physically with him. In fact, emotional affair is more destructive than sexual affair. You and your emotional lover act like continuing your ‘honeymoon’. For you, he is your idol. Both of you connect strongly because there’s feeling and emotion involved.

Most cheating people won’t leave their spouse just because they have already enjoyed wonderful sexual affair with someone else. But, cheating people will leave their present spouse if they already have feeling or emotion in their heart for their lover. That’s why emotional affair can be ensued worse than sexual affair; that’s why you should avoid this!

What you should do to end your emotional affair?
If you’re having this emotional affair and you want to get out of it; there are some tips that can help you:
  • Ask yourself, what you see on him; and then ask your husband, whether he can do the things that you see on ‘your lover’. Example: he wants to listen to your opinion, while your husband doesn’t have time and patience for you. Tell your husband what do you need and fix your communication immediately.
  • Find the good things of your husband. Write it down into a list and read it three times a day. Increase your logical thinking by remembering your husband’s good deeds and your beautiful marriage moment. Talk nice things about your husband to your friends and colleagues; and put your husband’s picture on your work table!
  • Find your lover’s mistakes. Make a list of his badness and read it three times a day to decrease your feeling to him. Be honest to yourself; if you have remembered and imagined all bad things about him, are you still attracted?
  • Limit your contact with your emotional lover. If he is your work colleague, don’t meet him alone; always bring someone or more with you. Take control of yourself more and stop your emotional affair right away before it’s too late!
  • Ask your closest friend or someone else that you can trust to help you getting out of this emotional affair.
Well, we aren’t holy people anyway, so, I think it’s all right if you attract with someone emotionally and have a good relationship with him; as long as you realize the borders, as long as you don’t experience the emotional affair signs, and you can maintain yourself not to pass through the borders. You may also admire someone, and it’s all right, but you must be able to differentiate between fantasy and reality, and you can let it go if you start to feel ‘it’s already overreacting’.

An expert said that what married people need from their spouse is: being accepted without criticism, appreciated, listened, cared, and able to do things that they like together. There’s also one thing, married people also need jealousy feeling (but not the blind one) of their spouse. Sweet jealousy is one sign of love, right? Let’s maintain our marriage by applying those…

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Emotional Affair vs Sexual Affair

>> Oct 19, 2009

As a married woman, affair matter in marriage life is a scary thing for me. Of course, I trust my hubby’s love and I hope that it won’t happen in my marriage… Does every married man can really trust their wife? Does every married woman can really trust their husband? Do you?
Though it’s an unkind thing, I think married couples should know more about this affair matter, why it can be so dangerous and destructive to your marriage, so, we will decide to avoid having affairs and leave it. After reading some articles on woman magazines and browsing google; I compile the points for you here:
What is emotional affair? Why it’s different with sexual affair?A man and a woman who get involve into emotional affair never connect sexually and physically; but they are truly lover in their mind and heart.
What are the signs that show you get involve in an emotional affair?Emotional affair used to begin with friendship or professional closeness. How do you know that you’ve passed through the ‘just a friend’ border? An expert said that the border is very thin; here are the clear signs (I assume you as a woman) :
  • When you’re not with him, you think him a lot. If he’s always in your mind when you do daily activities or moreover, while you’re spending time with your husband, families and friends, well, he is more than just a friend.
  • You talk about him much; including to your work colleagues or closest friends. You do this suddenly or repeatedly; so that your colleagues or friends begin to suspicious.
  • You always share your problem, happiness or sadness to him first. Your husband may not know your problem at all because you tell nothing to your husband.
  • Suddenly you complain about your marriage life; it’s something that you’ve never done before. You become often to compare your husband with him; and it makes you feel hopeless.
  • You ignore your tasks or daily activities. You spend too much time to call him, to chat with him or other things that you do together with him.
  • You hope to meet him often. If the desire to meet him is so clear and strong; watch out, the red sign start to ‘on‘.
  • You always imagine him every time you are intimate with your husband. If you always imagine the same man, well, it’s the sign that there is a problem.
Do you experience all the signs above? Pay more attention if your closest friends don’t believe when you said that there’s nothing between you and him. They may appraise you objectively; while you try to act rationally and hide behind the innocent feeling…

In the next post I’ll continue this topic and mention: the negative impacts, the things you should do and how to end an emotional affair. See you in my next post!

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A Great Help Comes on the Right Time

>> Oct 15, 2009

I can’t online on the past two days (that’s why I’m updating this blog so late) because my hubby was in his worst condition. For two days I didn’t sleep- it’s so hard for me to see he’s groaning in pain. He felt great pain inside his right leg; from buttock to calf; and it continuously attacked him. I felt so useless; there’s nothing I can do to ease his pain. Drugs from doctors, hot compress, massage; all didn’t work.

We’ve tried several kinds of different therapies; but there isn’t yet that’s successful to ease my hubby’s pain. Tuesday afternoon, his legs became very cold and he started to feel numb; but the pain inside the right leg still occurred. My anxiousness was rising up more and more…

We’re going through that hard and exhausting Tuesday night. On the next early Wednesday morning; I tried to seek more information on a good therapist to my neighbors and relatives. One of my aunts gave me the information and she very recommended the therapist. I didn’t know why; but I felt so sure about it, so, immediately, I called the therapist and invite him to come.

The therapist handled my hubby for almost three hours. Though the therapy looked painful, it truly gave a great result! He’s able to sit, stand and walk again – the things that he can’t do for weeks before! I think it’s very amazing because this great result happened from just only one times therapy. Wow!!

Of course, he isn’t yet completely healthy; but we’re so happy and grateful to God with this big improvement. I was writing this post this afternoon while he’s having the second therapy. The therapist said that my hubby must get therapy three times in a role.

I just want to say: every time we’re in trouble or other bad condition; we have to keep positive thinking and believe that there will be the best solution. Don’t ever loose hope and faith that God will help us. God will help and answer our pray with God’s way… So, in my recently experience, God have sent the best therapist for my hubby to our home. My hubby now can smile and laugh again; it’s so priceless! Thank God, Alhamdulillah.

Buat Sobat yang berdomisili di Bogor dan sekitarnya, yang mungkin sedang mencari informasi tentang Ahli Totok Saraf yang bagus, saya sangat merekomendasikan Beliau yang satu ini. Bayangkan, suami saya yang sudah dua malam tidak tidur karena sangat kesakitan; bisa ditangani dengan tepat dan cepat. Dengan satu kali terapi saja, sudah banyak sekali kemajuan yang dirasakan. Ini yang membuat saya kagum, karena berbeda dengan terapi-terapi lain yang pernah kita coba, sudah berkali-kali terapi, tapi belum kelihatan perkembangannya.

Suami saya sebelumnya menderita saraf terjepit yang lumayan parah; karena kakinya sampai kebas dan sangat dingin; berbaring saja susah, apalagi untuk duduk dan berdiri, sangat menyakitkan! Insya Allah, saya juga berencana untuk ikut terapi totok dengan Beliau, dalam ikhtiar kami untuk mendapatkan momongan. Mudah-mudahan Allah meridhoi; mohon do’a Sobat semua…

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Build Your Child’s Good Moral Character from Home! (4)

>> Oct 9, 2009

I’m so busy on the past few days. My hubby is sick; it’s been two weeks already. It truly makes me sad seeing he can’t do much because the severe pain he felt. He needs help to do almost anything. Moreover, the woman who usually helps me doing the house tasks hasn’t been coming for several days. Well, I’m just trying to do my best here but I also don’t want to push myself too hard. My hubby is my priority; though in pain, I want him feels comfortable…

Ok, let’s back to the post’s blog matter. This post is the last section of how to build your child’s good moral character from home tips. I’ll mention here the last ten tips of 50 for you:

41. If your child has a little conflict with friends; give your child a chance to solve the problem by himself/herself first. Being not interfering since the beginning makes your child learns to identify and seek the solution of the problem.

42. Give each child a separate toy box to avoid the fighting over the toys between your children. Let your children to keep their favorite toys; but you must ask each child to still prepare some toys that can be used together and can be borrowed by others.
43. Tell your child that doing the home work is your child’s task. You will not perform his/her task; but you will be delighted to help if there’s trouble or to examine the finished home work.

44. If there is a baby at home, ask your older child to help you caring the baby. Ask your child to express affection to the baby and calm the baby when the baby’s crying.

45. Write a letter or simple notes to your child. The content can be various things: motivation words, reminder, greetings, etc. Put it on the refrigerator or white board or any place else that you like.

46. Set court chairs. If your children are quarrelling or doing other mistakes; sent them to the court chairs. They must sit on the court chairs until there is one or both of them want to explain what exactly happens, apologize and promise not doing the same mistake.

47. Teach your child how to ease anger. Teach your child how to calm himself / herself by taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly. You can also teach your child to do something else that can take mind off the anger, therefore, you should prepare a canvas/drawing book to write/draw/score out or a bolster to punch. Other way: you can prepare a quiet room as a special place for your child to calm himself/herself every time he/she feels very angry.

48. Introduce and teach pluralism to your child. Don’t limit and don’t discriminate your child’s friends. You can register your child into a playing group or other activity; so that your child may meet and get along with friends from different religion, race, economic and social backgrounds.

49. Teach generosity to your child. Of course, you don’t want your child is growing up to be a money-oriented person. Take your child regularly to the orphan house and the charity event in your area. You and your child together can prepare the donation in matter of fund, books, toys or clothes. Explain the importance of helping and giving others for life happiness and peaceful heart.

50. Be PATIENT in building your children character; don’t demand too much. It’s not an instant process! Don’t forget, you must also consider the child’s age.

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Saving Money:Teach It to Your Child!

>> Oct 5, 2009

I think all parents want their children to be successful persons in their future, right? The ability to manage finance well is one thing that a person should have to succeed, at least not get into financial problem. Don’t you agree with this also?

I know that this topic isn’t a new thing; but I want to make a post about it just for remembering parents. Children can’t understand the money concept and the importance of saving money by themselves. It’s the parents’ role! If you want your child has knowledge and ability to manage money in the future; as parents, it’s important to build the good financial habits since the early age.

First, you should introduce the money concept. If your child already recognizes numbers, you can begin introducing the coins money by teaching the value of each coin. As we all know, children are good watchers and like to imitate their parents. Before teaching your child how to save money, you can give example by always putting coins in a piggy bank in front of her/him. Explain that you put coins in the piggy bank because you want to use the money later. By asking your child to accompany you shopping in a store; you can also describe the money function as an exchange means.

When your child is old enough and already has an interest to own things that she/he likes, well, it’s the sign that you can start teaching saving money to your child. It’s the right time! When your child wants to have and buy something, tell her/him that she/he can buy it by saving money first. After browsing google, I found some useful tips that you can apply to motivate your child in learning to save money. Here are the practical guidance for you:

  • Give an allowance. Example: you give an allowance only $5 a week; but your child wants to buy a story book that costs $10. Let your child to make a decision about how much money she/he wants to save regularly. If your child can read and write already, teach her/him to write down spending and saving.
  • Use match savings. Offer a matching contribution for every dollar your child saves. As your child grows up, you can less the match percentage.
  • Encourage your child to make a wish list and display the pictures of the wanted items. If your child is saving money for a certain purpose, it can motivate her/him more.
  • Give awards. For your child’s effort of saving money, once in a while you may buy your child a gift or take your child out to her/his favorite place.
  • Open a saving account. If your child is old enough, encourage her/him to open a saving account in a bank and save part of her/his money on it. You can give the simple explanation about the bank functions and don’t forget to show the progress amount of your child’s bank account.
  • Introduce a budget in a simple way. Introduce what a budget is by giving your child a simple explanation that she/he must divide up the money to different posts every month. Teach your child to make her/his own budget; ask your child to divide her/his allowance to three parts: saving, charity and spending.
Not only saving money, you should let your children know how to earn money; they must know that money is earned through work. To your older child, you can make a daily job to do list and encourage your child to finish all tasks. If you’ve already given your child an allowance once a week, tell your child that it’s a weekly salary for finishing the jobs during the week.

You’ve introduced the money concept; but don’t forget to also teach the generosity to your child. Don’t let your child growing up to be a money-oriented person! Take your child to every charity event in your local community and every visit to a local orphanage. You can also give example by giving money to charity regularly or in special moments such as donating money or other things to victims of calamities.

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Build Your Child’s Good Moral Character from Home! (3)

>> Oct 1, 2009


I’ve mentioned 20 of 50 tips on how to build good moral character of your child in my previous posts. Just remembering, moral character building is the big task of parents; and parents can do this by starting it from their own home. Conveniently, I’ll mention the following tips for you:

21. Enrich your child’s vocabularies that express emotional feelings. This way is still related to the introducing your child the various kinds of emotion. You can make a list together with your child. Try to make a list of 50 words such as: happy, love, adore, disappointed, angry, hopeful, worried, hate, etc. Always add the list every time you find new words.

22. Give the compliment every time your child shows good behavior to others. It will motivate your child to always repeat the good behavior.

23. Avoid harsh and impolite words at home by applying the house rule: always use polite words at home.

24. Avoid harsh action at home by applying the house rule: hands and legs are not being used to hurt other family member.

25. Be a secret admirer. Ask your child to observe someone secretly; it could be a family member, a neighbor or someone else that you recognize well. Discuss with your child about the ways that you can do together to please him/her; and then do the kindness to that person! I’ll give you some ideas here: you and your child can arrange the surprise birthday party, send a flowers gift, send a framed poem or a picture or a photo, etc.

26. Tell your child to give priority to truth and honesty.

27. Give the straight guidance to your child how to interact politely with others.
28. Play the changing of roles once in a while. It will teach your child how to be empathy. Give your child a chance to feel how to be someone else. Ex: for 10-15 minutes, let your child act as a mother/father and you act as a child. See what happens…

29. Introduce your child to the virtuous person in your area or read the life story of famous and virtuous people. Your child can learn from it!

30. Teach your child to respect other’s belongings. If your child brings home toys from neighbor, you must explain that it’s not right thing to do. Encourage her/him to return the toys. Your child must understand and respect property right or ownership.

31. Teach your child to care about the house and also environment cleanness. Always giving good example by throwing rubbish at its place. Ask your child to clean the house together at lease once a month or you can delegate the house tasks that your child must do frequently (of course, you must adjust the house task with your child’s age).

32. Keep your promise to your child. Don’t ever make a promise that you can’t fulfill. If you’ve made a promise, but it turns out that you can’t accomplish it; again, don’t be hesitant to ask forgiveness to your child.

33. Teach your child to express his/her opinion. Ask what’s in your child’s mind about something that you face together. Ex: your child see a friend crying on the first day at school; you can discuss this; ask your child to share his/her mind about what makes his/her friend sad.

34. Teach your child the causal rule; so that your child will know exactly the consequences that may happen every time making a mistake. Ex: “If you let your bike in the rain outside, it will be rusty and easily broken”. Explaining it with the causal rule like this will encourage your child to take care of his/her belongings well.

35. Don’t lie to your child. You can explain something in another way and words, but try not to lie. If your child knows that you’re lying, don’t hesitate to admit your mistake and ask your child to forgive you.

36. Teach your child to appreciate the value of money. There are some methods that you can apply such as giving allowance once a week so that your child can learn to manage the money. Let your child to learn about making priority of his/her money. For younger child, you can show an example how to save money by putting money into a piggy bank; do this in front of your child.

37. Don’t ask your child to lie for you. Many parents do this mistake; but actually; it’s similar with teaching your child how to lie. So, parents, avoid doing this!

38. Teach your child to always say “Thank you” every time receiving something from others; even tough your child doesn’t like it.

39. Play the eye contact game with your child. Teach your child to be able to make an eye contact with other person by playing this eye contact game.

40. Give your child a true or false test. You can make a list of simple statements such as sky is blue; brothers can hit one another; knife is sharp; you can throw rubbish to the river, etc. Ask your child to appraise each statement; which is true and false.

I haven’t yet finished with these tips (I hope you aren’t bored); there are still ten tips that I want to share with you…

rewrite source: Nova tabloid and google

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About This Blog and Me!

Welcome to my blog. I'm a home maker, a stay at home wife. I'm just an ordinary woman who has interest in reading, working at home and learning to write. We live in Bogor, Indonesia.
This blog contains articles in family topic.
Contact me at linalg4@gmail.com

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