Poisoned Relationship (1)

During our daily life we met many people with various characters. We don’t want this, but relationship with friends, relatives, neighbors, even spouse can become the poison in your life. How it could be that bad? It’s a common thing if we face a problem in communicating and consorting with others. But imagine if in this relationship: you are continuously being manipulated, being the angry target, and also being insulted without any rational reasons. Are you willing be treated like these forever?

Avoiding others that have done many bad things to you isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if the person is very close, such as your spouse or your parents. Of course, it’s a big dilemma, but you must stop yourself from being victim. Yes, the big point here is: Stop Being a Victim! You must take the right step to get out of the poisoned relationship.

I’ll describe this topic in three posts. Each post will describe different condition that can happen in an unhealthy relationship. Read it carefully; and then answer the question: do you experience this?

First condition: “You will regret if you don’t agree with it”.
It’s a message that stated by a person that categorized as a ‘difficult person’. Her/his response is usually unpredictable. This person can be immediately angry or underestimate you. At other time, he/she assumes you don’t exist. It aims to confuse your feelings; so that you are forced to follow her/his wish.

This person will force you to do everything he/she wants, in other words; he/she likes to intimidate or manipulate you. There are two types of these difficult persons: aggressive (full with explosive anger) and unagressive (full of persuasion). Both can give you big troubles!

Again, having related to ‘difficult person’ can become more complex situation if the difficult person is your closest such as your own spouse. You want to defend yourself but you are reluctant to argue. As the time goes by, you will react naturally. Because you can’t bear with his behavior anymore and also can’t state arguments, your reaction will be angry and angrier.

Angry is a normal shown reaction if someone feels frustrated or being attacked. The anger can make you feels stronger and shows that you aren’t a victim. Unfortunately, you need lots of energy to be angry. Let’s try another more proper way that is less energy and less time. Just focus on the feeling that you reject all intimidating threats.

Here are tips how to relate with the difficult person (it could be your employer, friend, or even your own spouse):

• If you’ve been attacked irrationally, you should ask what have made her/him angry. It indicates that you want to communicate, not to quarrel.


• If you’ve been insulted and underestimated, ask what the reason is. If you’ve truly have done mistakes, admit it. Remember to convince yourself that you still have dignity and confidence.


• Give positive feedback. You may say,” I understand that you feel angry now”. It refers your will to understand his/her frustration without any blaming or self defencing.


• No need to be cared about. Let the person angry, but don’t allow it influent you. You should do this if the difficult person is your parents. Keep doing good things to your mother/father. Speak out if you feel the time is right.


• If the difficult person doesn’t have a strong emotional connection with you, but he/she keeps doing unpleasant things, do the detox immediately. Assume the person as dangerous poison and make her/him out of your life for good. Don’t see him/her anymore!


• If the difficult person is your spouse: it would be better if you try to ask for another help, especially in case you already feel very hard to communicate well with your spouse. The person that you ask for help must be respected by your spouse, such as parents, a psychologist, a marriage consultant, a virtuous figure, etc. Let them help you and see what will happen then. Don’t make a hurried decision here, if the situation still can be fixed, do fix it! Be more patient; struggle for your marriage commitment!
  Set your own defended ability limit. If the situation is becoming beyond your ability limit to survive, you will know what you should do. Pursue your happiness!

Rewrite source: Nirmala magazine and google
The picture is taken from ufocon.blogspot.com

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Protect Your Children from Cyber Bullying (2)

This post is the continuance. After you know the meaning and the victim signs, let assume here that your child is already being cyber bullied.

Surveys conducted by Symantec have revealed that kids globally (19%) have undergone some kind of experience with cyber bullies that could involve getting messages, pictures, video recordings that are intentionally sent to poke jokes or tricks. A survey conducted by Beatbullying reveals a shocking 35.9% of children aged between eleven to eighteen years old have experienced cyber bullying.

If your child is truly being cyber bullied, what parents should do?

• Don’t be panic, it will make things worse. You don’t need to rush action like immediately calling other parents, the school, blaming your child or taking away internet at home…


• Support your child completely. Make she/he feels secure. Words and cyber attacks can harm a child easily and have a lasting effect. The risk of emotional pain can be very real and serious.


• A quick guide: your actions have to increase as the threat and pain to your child does. There are two things that you must consider first: Is your child threatened to be physically harm? And how is your child handling the threats emotionally?


• If your child get severe emotionally pain, don’t be hesitate to consult to an expert/psychologist.


• If it’s needed, you may let the school know about the cyber bullying that happens to your child. The teachers and guidance counselor at school can pay more attention to in-school bullying cases. They can also help you to know more how your child is handling things at school.


• If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any threats are made to your child that you assume potentially dangerous, you should report to your local law enforcement agency. Take a print-out of all instances of cyberbullying to show them, but note that a print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You'll need electronic evidence and live data for that. Let the related authority help you!

As we all know, protection is always the best. In addition to several things that I’ve mentioned before, it’s also important for you to build child’s self protection. Let children know at first all the risks that may happen if using cyber things. Having known all risks, if the cyber bullying still happens, your child will know how to response and handle it in a proper way. Thanks to Lembaga Pelatihan for the useful input!

Source

The picture is taken from utellit.wordpress.com

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Direct TV: a Solution for Your Family Entertainment

I have mentioned about the bad impact of television violence to your younger child. I think all of you agree with this statement, right? Parents should protect their children from violence on TV, but it doesn’t mean you have to forbid a television at home or you forbid your child watching television anymore. Don’t be overreacting, parents!

There is a proper solution to face this problem. You can order Direct TV at your home! Why it could be the suitable answer for protecting your child from bad information on television? Many parents recommended Direct Sat TV for this. As one of authorized Direct TV dealer, you can rely on their excellent service.

They offer several Direct TV Packages that you can choose. For your children’ sake, you can order Direct Sat TV Family Package that contains over 45 digital family channels suitable for all ages, and you can have it all at low price. Moreover, it offers Parental Controls for you!

Which area do you live now? With the Directtv Family Package, you can also get all your local channels. To check whether local channels through Direct TV service is already available in your area, you can simply access the site and enter ZIP Code of your area to find out more. If you want to seek more information about their service, please don’t hesitate to call 866-615-9904.

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A Cute Tag (2)

Several days ago Kathy has sent me this cute tag. As usual, I’ve to answer some personal questions. Well, I share my answers here. Happy reading…

Do you think you're hot?

I don’t think so. I’m a rather shy woman. Do I have to ask this question to my hubby? (hehehe)

Please Upload Your Favorite Picture:

Why do you love this picture?
This picture shown my wedding agreement times, the most sacred time in my life.

When was the last time you ate pizza?
Two weeks ago, when my big brother and his family came from the other town. We went to a restaurant and ate pizzas there.

What was the latest song you've heard?
Fragile by Sting. I love this song…

What are you doing while working on this game?
Listening news on television. I can do it both.

What is your favorite nickname?
Just call me Lina. My hubby calls me Neng Lina (Neng is a calling name for a Sundanese woman).

What kind of person are you?
I am a rather sensitive and stubborn, honest, caring and loyal person.

What is your favorite song?
I have lots of favorite songs.

What is your favorite food?
I like chicken noodle and almost all Indonesian traditional food, especially Sundanese ones.

What is the most stressful thing to you?
When people I love is sick…

Mention the 3 must haves in your purse...
Keys, wallet, cosmetic bag. I put celluler phone in my pants’ pocket. I can’t hear it if I put it in my purse.

What is your favorite color/s?
I love all soft colors.

What is your not fulfilled dream yet?
To have my own baby. It’s still my biggest hope and I’m still doing therapies…

What is your favorite city to stay?
I love the Bogor city where I live now. But I’ve a dream to live at a city in Turkey country.

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Protect Your Children from Cyber Bullying

Have you heard this term ‘Cyber bullying’ before? I want to share a little about it here because I think, as parents; we should protect our children from anything that can harm them, whatever it is. Parents should know more about cyber bullying!

What is cyber bullying?
Cyber bullying is when a child (preteen or teen) is threatened, humiliated, or otherwise targeted by another child (preteen or teen) using the internet and digital technologies. To embarrass others, cyber bullies can use various means such as text messaging, telephone calls, email, instant messaging services, social networking websites and web pages. Once adults get involved, it isn’t cyber bullying anymore, but it becomes cyber-harassment or cyber stalking.

There are two kinds of cyber bullying: direct attacks (messages sent to your child directly) and cyber bullying by proxy (using others to help cyber bully the victim, either with or without the accomplice's knowledge). Because cyber bullying by proxy often gets adults involved in the harassment, it is much more dangerous.

How to know that your child is a victim of cyber bullying?
Your child may be too afraid or too confused to tell you the real condition, so, these signs can be your guidance to find out more information. If your child accesses internet regularly, you need to watch out for these recently appearing signs:

• having an instant behavioral change
• having temperamental and changeable moods
• being easily nervous
• becoming withdrawn from others and uninterested in something that your child likes before
• showing lack of self confidence

What parents should do to protect children?

• To online activities protection, as I mentioned in my previous Family-Safe Internet posts, you should install Internet Content Filter Software to the computer at your home. These softwares will block and filter internet contents that contain bad information for children such as pornography, violence, harsh and dirty words, drugs, crime, dating, escort and chatting services, etc. Using specific browser for kids and teens is also a great help!


• Be a cyber parents who have enough knowledge about cyber things (jangan jadi orang tua gaptek yang tidak paham internet, komputer dan telepon seluler sama sekali ya). Inform your child that you can be the place for getting assistance.


• Build your emotional closeness with your child. You should be the most trusted place that your child can go when somethings go wrong online and offline. Tell your child to inform you soon as she/he feels threatened or humiliated online and offline.

If your child is truly being cyber bullied, what parents should do?
Be patient, I’ll mention it in my next post…

Rewrite source: http://www.allmothers.net/ and google

The pictures is taken from uberreview.com and mediabistro.com

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Earn Financially Gain with Gold Investment!

Gold is not only popular as jewelry that women love; of all the precious metals, gold is also the most popular as an investment. There are many people choose gold investment because gold is often seen as a hedge against inflation and economic downturn.

Have you interested in gold investment already? As an investor, of course, you want to earn financially gain. That is why you should do it in a proper way. Investors buy gold because they believe that gold prices will continue to rise, and as I mentioned above, investors also buy gold as a hedge against any crises. Well, gold prices can fall and also rise, so, you must learn to make a best and precise analysis.

People used to buy gold coin as a popular way to holding gold. The best thing is, now you can buy certified gold coin and buy gold bullion online. The defining attribute of bullion is that it is valued by its weight and purity rather than by a face value as money.

Are you attracted to buy bullion as your gold investment? Aurum Advisors is the right place for you to purchase gold bullion. Aurum Advisors is so recommended by other investors because they have unmatched track record and they are so trustworthy. They can provide gold in most dependable and affordable way to you, wherever you are in worldwide…

So, why don’t you start and try it for yourself: visit the Corporate Headquarters of Aurum Advisors at 1801 Century Park East, 25th Floor, Los Angeles, CA 90067. You can also call 1- 800-940-7793 to get more information on having golden experience.

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Be Careful on Labeling Your Child

Dear parents, you may have a child that is always disobedient and do many irritating things, included involve in fights at school or your neighborhood. Your child’s behavior often makes you dizzy and it happens almost everyday; therefore, you assume him/her as a naughty or a bad child. Please, be careful on doing this; especially giving your child negative labeling such as a lazy kid, a naughty kid, a disobedient kid, a stupid kid, etc.

Labeling is a stamp that can have positive or negative characteristic. Whether positive or negative labeling, both can affect children behavior, because children have sensitive feeling, especially children in primary school age. In daily life, there are still many parents that give negative label, such as ‘naughty kid’ to their children.

Why there are children with ‘irritating’ behavior? An expert said it can be caused by only high children curiosity or as an effort to gain more attention, whether from parents at home or teachers at school. Do you have any other ideas?

A child that basically is obedient can become being hard to be controlled, if the child is already labeled as a naughty kid by parents and people in neighborhood. This attitude appears because she/he feels not appreciated or trusted…

Negative label can also make your child feels worthless, that’s why parents should be more careful! Moreover, the child accept negative label in perforce and the neighborhood treat the child as a naughty one. This situation can make the child feels the same way as assumed by other people, tough the truth is she/he isn’t like that. What a poor child!

The worst thing is, if the negative label has already attached; conscious or unconsciously, the child will act as a naughty one in his/her daily life. The negative label can strongly attach to a child if she/he receives it from parents, teachers and people in the neighborhood.

If your child has irritating behavior, don’t judge him/her by negative labeling, as parents, you should introspect yourself first to know the possible causes and then accompany your child and pay more attention to find the proper solution. You should build the emotionally closeness with your child, it can help you to know what your child exactly wants and needs. Learn to be a good and wise listener to your child…

If you’ve already given your child a negative label, do hurry fix it! Don’t be ashamed to admit your mistake and ask for apologize to your child. After this ‘reconciliation’, you and your child can take proper following steps to build your closeness again.

Rewrite source:Tempo and google

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Know More Your Spouse!

We all know that women and men are psychic different, but there’s no need to exaggerate it. Have you heard the term ‘the battle of the sexes’? I think it’s not proper to judge the differences of women and men like that. These differences shouldn’t become the source of arguing, because women and men minds can complement one another, right?

If women and men can comprehend each basic needs and thinking ways, there would be more possibility that couples can build real harmonies between them. The study concerning the psychic differences between men and women has been conducted for years by Jane Sherrod Singer, M.A. Psychology & Education.

In this post, I’ll mention several results of her study in form of ‘true or false’ statements (I think it’s more fun!). Let’s answer it and find out how far you know your spouse…

1. Men believe in superstition more than women. True or False?
Answer: False. Women believe in superstition more!

2. There are more men who commit suicide. True or False?
Answer: True. There’s an observation in US and Europe stated that men can be more easily to commit suicide.

3. Men have more desire to improve and develop their personalities. True or False?
Answer: False. Women have more desire in it; they like to attend seminars, visit art galleries, read books, etc.

4. Men are more selfish. True or False?
Answer: False. Men want to give more and they are less selfish than their wives. (What? before, I think that men are more selfish than women!)

5. Men are more religious. True or False?
Answer: False. Women are more religious.

6. Men tend to think about themselves more often. True or False?
Answer: False. In case of business matter, female employees think about their own personal problems more often.

7. Men need joy and adventure more. True or False?
Answer: True. Men need joy more because one of men’s nature characters is they tend to be more nervous than women.

8. Men like to exaggerate things more. True or False?
Answer: False. Men less like to exaggerate things, they like to boast more!

9. Men set up the higher standard for themselves. True or False?
Answer: True. Men are more idealist and they tend to determine higher standard.

10. Men like harsh joke more. True or False?
Answer: True. Based on research at high school and university, male students like to do harsh jokes to the juniors.

11. Men are more honest. True or False?
Answer: False. See no. 8 answer: men like to boast.

12. Men get bored more easily. True or False?
Answer: True. Women can sit to knit for hours; men prefer more energetic activities.

13. Men can be happier. True or False?
Answer: False. Women can be happier and also sadder.

14. Men’s emotion is more stable. True or False?
Answer: True. Women are more easily to feel sad, worried and anxious. The fear in women can be more intense than men.

Give one value for every right answer, and then count it up…
12-14: remarkable value. You have ability to adapt yourself so well to your spouse.
5-11: average value. Sometimes your spouse still makes you feel confused.
0-4: this value shows that you aren’t intuitive person or in other words, you less want to observe or to pay attention to your spouse. If you intend to maintain your marriage, you must fix it right away!

Rewrite source:Intisari and google

The picture is taken from clker.com

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Sharing Hearts While Dining

Sharing hearts while dining sounds good, right? But unfortunately nowadays, it becomes more difficult for modern families in big cities to have quality times together, such as sharing stories one another at dinner time. The increasing children after-school activities, the long parents work hours, and too much wasted time for traffic jam are the cause of this. Does it happen to your family? Is it difficult enough for your family to have dinner together every day?

Many experts said that dining together in a family can give positive atmosphere for the children growth and development psychic and physically, especially for children in toddler, preschool until adolescent age. A study that conducted by National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) Columbia University stated that family eating together can help children in some ways. For instance, it can help children to get better grade at school and to make them far from smoking, drinking alcohol, and using drugs.

Another study of University of Minneapolis has also found the similar result. It stated that the more often of family dining related to the more quantities of children positive attitudes. The proper family dinner should be attended by the whole family member on a family eating table and it doesn’t need to be done at a restaurant, just do it at your home!

It’s a pity that now there’s a trend: children prefer to eat while watching television. The study of Children’s Nutrition Research Center mentioned that children with obesities have 50% frequency of eating in front of television. It also mentioned that children with normal body weight have only 35% frequency of eating in front television. Can you see the impact of eating in front of television to children’s weight?

Based on the studies results above, we can see that there are many positive points can be obtained from dining activity which attended by the whole family members. Therefore, parents and children should prepare times to have family dinner every day, or, at least, three times a week.

Besides those positive points, there are other additional benefits from having family dinner together:

• every family member will get more healthy home-made meals.
• you have longer times to chat with your child.
• your child can learn to listen other family member’s problem and all at once, they can discuss to seek the solution.
• family emotional ties can be more tightened

Well, let’s have family dinner together and share our heart and mind …

Rewrite source: Kompas and google
The picture is taken from clipartguide.com

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Unsecured Business Loans: Apply It to Fulfill Your Business Needs!

Are you running a small business right now? As a small business owner, you know definitely that your business needs continuance of financial support. If you have problems in your business cash flow, what can you do to solve it? Let’s assume that there is no problem with the cash flow, but you are planning to expand your business, what can you do to get the required additional finance? Well, of course, you should apply a business loan, or, precisely, an unsecured business loan.

Unsecured business loans can turn out to be the finest financial source for your small business. If you can’t afford to place any asset, there’s no need to worry, because unsecured business loan is a loan without demand of collateral to pledge. What a relief…

So, if you have run your business more than two years and you have at least a 680 credit score with no recent derogatory marks on your credit; you are welcomed to start unsecured small business loan online application process. Or you can call (888) 890-1679 to find out more helpful information. Wish you a success on your business!

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Husband and Wife’s Funny Moments

To cheer up your day, I’ll share funny things here. It can make me smile, I hope you, too…

Joe, the husband, is so forgetful. He figured out a way to remember his wife’s birthday and their wedding anniversary. He opened an account with a florist and told him to send flowers to his wife on those dates, along with a note signed “Your loving husband”. His wife, Suzy, was thrilled by the attention, and all was great until one anniversary. So, that day, Joe came home, saw the bouquet, kissed Suzy, and said, “Nice flowers, honey. Where did you get them?” Isaac Witty, Reader’s Digest

I don’t like exercising. Yesterday my wife said,”Let’s walk around the block”.
I said,” Why? We’re already here”. Wendell Potter, Reader’s Digest

The picture is taken from webclipart.about.com

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What Does A Happy Family Mean to You?

Like most of you, I also opened a facebook account. Though I’m not so active, I joined some groups there, in this case, I joined Happy Family group. At its discussion forum, we discussed several related topics around the family matter. One topic is about the meaning of a happy family; we share our mind there…

I’m interested to know what in others’ mind about things that closely related with my life, and I assume you are alike, so, I’ll share several interesting thoughts here. I quote them for you. Happy reading…

• Awal Shopnil :
  “A happy family is where members are inter-related with peace and prosperity”.
• Samrina Zerin Sharley :
  “A happy family means two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another and reside usually in the same dwelling place”.
• Kamal Sharif :
  “Family is like a tree...as tree gives shades from the scorching heat of the sun. A family gives shades to its members from the daily problems...and happy families are those who are every member give shades to each other...”
• Poliana Mendes De Souza :
  “For me a happy family is the family that has all their basic needs (food, home, cloths, etc), that the husband and the wife love and respect each other, that the kids go to school and when they go back home they have parents to help with the homework.... It's hard to define HAPPY FAMILY, but I want that!”
• Lina Gustina (it’s me!):
  “Pursuing a happy family is not an easy thing to do; it needs lots of effort from each family member. Good communication, warmth, affection and respect must be present in a happy family. In a happy family, every family member can obtain the fulfilling needs of love, respect, harmony, secure feeling, comfort, motivation and support”

Would you like to share your mind more about the meaning of a happy family to yourself? Please share it in comment section…

Keluarga bahagia sesuai tuntuan Islam tentu terkait dengan kondisi suatu keluarga yang di dalamnya terkandung unsur sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah. Sebuah buku berjudul Perempuan karya Ustad Quraish Shihab menjelaskan dengan indah dan terperinci makna ini. Saya kutip sekilas saja ya, untuk mengingatkan kembali kita semua...

Sakinah mengandung makna ketenangan, lahir dan batin. Sakinah terlihat pada ketenangan lahir yang tercermin pada kecerahan raut muka yang disertai kelapangan dada serta budi bahasa halus yang dilahirkan oleh ketenangan batin. Ketenangan batin bisa terwujud dengan menyatunya pemahaman dan kesucian hati, serta bergabungnya kejelasan pandangan dengan tekad yang kuat.

Mawaddah mengandung arti kelapangan dada dan kekosongan jiwa dari kehendak buruk. Ustad Quraish Shihab mengalami kesulitan dalam menemukan padanan kata mawaddah dalam bahasa Indonesia karena kata ‘cinta’ belum dapat menggambarkannya secara utuh. Makna mawaddah bisa dijelaskan melalui dampak mawaddah yang telah bersemai dalam jiwa seseorang. Hati yang telah dipenuhi mawaddah terlihat ketika yang bersangkutan tidak rela pasangannya disentuh oleh sesuatu yang bisa ‘mengeruhkan’ pasangannya. Dia bersedia menampung keburukan, mengorbankan diri dan menjaga orang-orang terkasihnya dari hal-hal buruk.

Rahmah berarti rasa sayang. Keluarga rahmah adalah keluarga yang didasarkan pada rasa cinta kasih dan sayang di antara komponen-komponen keluarga di dalamnya.

Sources : Perempuan karya M. Quraish Shihab and google , Happy Family Group-Facebook
The picture is taken from istockphoto.com

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Conditional Love: Why Parents Should Avoid It?

Conditional love, have you already familiarized with this term? Why you, as parents, should avoid it? In this post I’ll describe a little about the possible consequences of the presence conditional love in parenting matter. In my point of view, it’s important for us to know how parents should give affection to their child in appropriate way. Let’s move on…

Parents who apply conditional love will only give and show their affection if their children become obedient ones, have high achievement or have given pride to their family. Otherwise, these kinds of parents will only give much reduced affection or the worst, the child will be neglected. What a poor child…

It may not mention straightly, but in their daily life, in attitude or words expression, these parents will show their disappointment if their child can’t fulfill the parents’ expectation. For example, the child failed to enter the favorite school or the child didn’t include in top ten ranks at class.

An expert said: if these parents ask to their child is translated into question form, it will become: “How can you make us proud?” NOT “How can you be happy?”
Can you see the big differences here?

One of the reasons why there are still parents that raise their child with conditional love is the strong influence of society values that always connect meaning of success with an academic achievement (in form of academic titles, certificates), an occupation and material achievement (the ownership of luxury cars, big houses, etc).

With such material orientation; people around us tend to respect more to someone who physically appears in various achievements, occupations or wealth assets. It’s the fact that truly happens in our society: the materialism! Moreover, it’s still dominant until now. In order to reach all those material attributes, consciously or unconsciously, parents will push their child to enter the best school, to be the best student, etc.

So, you may want to know, what will possibly happen with the child that raised in a family with conditional love?

• The child won’t be given a chance to choose.
• The child happiness isn’t emphasized here; in fact, the child becomes a tool to fill the parents’ need of self pride.
• The child won’t be whole accepted, because the parents use terms on almost everything.
• The child is raised to meet a society demand in order to get society acknowledgment as a person with wealth, academic achievement and occupation.
• Being pushed to meet the demand, the child will not be able to recognize her/his personal needs, in other words, the child is not used to recognize her/his feeling and emotion.
• The child may suffer unbalance in intelligence development and emotional intelligence. This poor emotional intelligence may encourage the child to have an extreme and rebel attitude.
• The child feels heavily burdened by the parents’ demands. He or she will try to let go of the burden; it may also encourage the child to be a problematic person one day.

Well, you can see now, how destructive conditional love is. Children happiness must be parents’ most priority, right? Don’t demand our children too much, we should give them secure and freedom to develop their talents and abilities (of course, as parents, you should still direct your children). Let’s give our children unconditional love, accept and love them just the way they are…

Other sources : Intisari and google
The picture is taken from http://tlc.discovery.com

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