>> Nov 30, 2009
First condition: “You will regret if you don’t agree with it”.
It’s a message that stated by a person that categorized as a ‘difficult person’. Her/his response is usually unpredictable. This person can be immediately angry or underestimate you. At other time, he/she assumes you don’t exist. It aims to confuse your feelings; so that you are forced to follow her/his wish.
This person will force you to do everything he/she wants, in other words; he/she likes to intimidate or manipulate you. There are two types of these difficult persons: aggressive (full with explosive anger) and unagressive (full of persuasion). Both can give you big troubles!
Again, having related to ‘difficult person’ can become more complex situation if the difficult person is your closest such as your own spouse. You want to defend yourself but you are reluctant to argue. As the time goes by, you will react naturally. Because you can’t bear with his behavior anymore and also can’t state arguments, your reaction will be angry and angrier.
Angry is a normal shown reaction if someone feels frustrated or being attacked. The anger can make you feels stronger and shows that you aren’t a victim. Unfortunately, you need lots of energy to be angry. Let’s try another more proper way that is less energy and less time. Just focus on the feeling that you reject all intimidating threats.
Here are tips how to relate with the difficult person (it could be your employer, friend, or even your own spouse):
- If you’ve been attacked irrationally, you should ask what have made her/him angry. It indicates that you want to communicate, not to quarrel.
- If you’ve been insulted and underestimated, ask what the reason is. If you’ve truly have done mistakes, admit it. Remember to convince yourself that you still have dignity and confidence.
- Give positive feedback. You may say,” I understand that you feel angry now”. It refers your will to understand his/her frustration without any blaming or self defencing.
- No need to be cared about. Let the person angry, but don’t allow it influent you. You should do this if the difficult person is your parents. Keep doing good things to your mother/father. Speak out if you feel the time is right.
- If the difficult person doesn’t have a strong emotional connection with you, but he/she keeps doing unpleasant things, do the detox immediately. Assume the person as dangerous poison and make her/him out of your life for good. Don’t see him/her anymore!
- If the difficult person is your spouse: it would be better if you try to ask for another help, especially in case you already feel very hard to communicate well with your spouse. The person that you ask for help must be respected by your spouse, such as parents, a psychologist, a marriage consultant, a virtuous figure, etc. Let them help you and see what will happen then. Don’t make a hurried decision here, if the situation still can be fixed, do fix it! Be more patient; struggle for your marriage commitment!
Set your own defended ability limit. If the situation is becoming beyond your ability limit to survive, you will know what you should do. Pursue your happiness!
The picture is taken from ufocon.blogspot.com