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Should Parents Compromise with Their Chidren? (2)

>> Jan 5, 2010

Dear you all, recently I’ve got technical problem. My computer is still malfunction, and now still being serviced. It may take several days to settle the problem. To my visitors, I’m so sorry if I haven’t yet visited you again…

Now back to this post. It’s the last post of compromise topic. What’s the difference between compromise and surrender? Compromise is very different from surrender. Compromise doesn't mean any old concession on your child's part will do.

It is your responsibility as parents to set up proper parameters of compromise and to hold your child to those parameters. If after offering the above compromise your child throws a tantrum, and you then agree to do your shopping in the afternoon but in return your child has to clean his/her room, you have surrendered.
When you first try to reach a compromise with your child, you must very clearly from the start identify those areas which are nonnegotiable. If there is room for compromise on an issue; it usually develops when both your child's separate and common interests and yours are discussed.

If you don't ask why your child want something to happen differently, or explain to her/him why you think something should happen in a particular way, it will be difficult to achieve a win–win compromise.

How to say a proper compromise to your child? The language you use is important, here is the guidance:
  • You shouldn't say, "if you do this I will do that". This is manipulative and will probably come back to bite you one day as you are teaching your child the tactics of manipulation.
  • However, if you say something like "if we do it this way, we can both get what we want". This teaches your child that there may be a solution in the middle that everyone can live with.
How about the limit? Yes, there is a limit. Too much compromise can also teach your child to manipulate. Your arguments need to be relevant. If you try to justify your demands with layers of argument, you are just teaching her/him to try reason after reason.

While it is important for your child to learn to reason and present a good case for what he/she wants, it is also important for your child to understand when no means no. It remains your responsibility to teach her/him how to cope successfully with the disappointment of not getting her/his own way and understanding that she/he will not always be able to control all of the events in her/his lives.

Rewrite source: brainy-child.com and google

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Welcome to my blog. I'm a home maker, a stay at home wife. I'm just an ordinary woman who has interest in reading, working at home and learning to write. We live in Bogor, Indonesia.
This blog contains articles in family topic.
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