To Settle or Not To Settle: Women Who Say No To Family
>> Nov 6, 2011
A long time ago, you decided that having kids just wasn’t for you. Apparently that decision – though it your personal decision – does not sit well with a lot of people. If you’re mulling over the same decision and leaning towards the same outcome as you did, you have a lot of things to consider. It’s not an easy one. People will say you’re selfish. They’ll say you’re wasting your life and your opportunities. They think it’s about the weight, or the maternity wear or the money. They will tell you over and over again that you’ll change your mind.. and maybe you will… or maybe you’ll get sick of hearing it. Either way, it’s going to be a difficult decision.
Below are a few factors that might help you in your contemplation:
Are you happy?
If you’re at a point in your life that is now or never when it comes to having kids, it means your decision has to be made quickly. So ask yourself, are you happy how you are, or are you yearning for something else? Can you stay happy? Imagine yourself and your partner in ten years or even twenty – do you see yourself with kids, or without? Do you really want a future with no kids running around, no teens to guide and no one to visit you when you’re old? If the answer is yes and you’re ok with all of these scenarios, perhaps your mind is already made up. This doesn’t mean you can’t do the whole diamond ring, wedding and other parts, it just means you are exercising your right to choose your life!
If you’re at a point in your life that is now or never when it comes to having kids, it means your decision has to be made quickly. So ask yourself, are you happy how you are, or are you yearning for something else? Can you stay happy? Imagine yourself and your partner in ten years or even twenty – do you see yourself with kids, or without? Do you really want a future with no kids running around, no teens to guide and no one to visit you when you’re old? If the answer is yes and you’re ok with all of these scenarios, perhaps your mind is already made up. This doesn’t mean you can’t do the whole diamond ring, wedding and other parts, it just means you are exercising your right to choose your life!
Why do it?
The next thing to consider, if you think you may sway towards having kids, is why you’re having them. If it’s that natural yearning, that motherly instinct and it would be for you – than go for it! If you really don’t want kids, but your partner does, is that really the right reason? Maybe you both need to discuss your reasoning and thoughts more? If it’s to reinvigorate a relationship, or even save one, think again!
The next thing to consider, if you think you may sway towards having kids, is why you’re having them. If it’s that natural yearning, that motherly instinct and it would be for you – than go for it! If you really don’t want kids, but your partner does, is that really the right reason? Maybe you both need to discuss your reasoning and thoughts more? If it’s to reinvigorate a relationship, or even save one, think again!
What does it mean to your partner?
If your partner is largely indifferent to whether you have kids or not, this basically means the final decision lies with you. You need to decide if it is right for yourself and then let them know which way you’re swaying so they can reconsider their own desires. If you’re partner doesn’t want kids, are they still going to be involved, or are you going to be doing it alone? Your partner is a big consideration, so talk it over a lot!
If your partner is largely indifferent to whether you have kids or not, this basically means the final decision lies with you. You need to decide if it is right for yourself and then let them know which way you’re swaying so they can reconsider their own desires. If you’re partner doesn’t want kids, are they still going to be involved, or are you going to be doing it alone? Your partner is a big consideration, so talk it over a lot!
Career
If you’re a career orientated person, this is going to also weigh heavily on your decision as to whether you have kids or not. Likely at the peak of your career, or still building, this is a crucial time in your working life. In addition to this, think about how you want to raise kids – would you put them in care during all working hours so you could continue to grow your career as soon as you’re able bodied again? If so, is that really how you want your kids to grow up? Think about it!
If you’re a career orientated person, this is going to also weigh heavily on your decision as to whether you have kids or not. Likely at the peak of your career, or still building, this is a crucial time in your working life. In addition to this, think about how you want to raise kids – would you put them in care during all working hours so you could continue to grow your career as soon as you’re able bodied again? If so, is that really how you want your kids to grow up? Think about it!
Future plans
Finally, consider how you view your future and what your future plans are. If you are a traveller at heart, for instance, does a child fit in with your plans?
There’s a lot to consider, so keep your mind open and remember, you can always change it!/image:google.com/
Finally, consider how you view your future and what your future plans are. If you are a traveller at heart, for instance, does a child fit in with your plans?
There’s a lot to consider, so keep your mind open and remember, you can always change it!/image:google.com/
