Our Anniversary

Dear, husband…

It’s been seven years since you and I promised each other.
We’ve been through many things together, haven’t we?
.from sadness till happiness.
.from arguing till laughing.

.You’ve ever made me angry.
.You’ve ever made me disappointed.
.You’ve ever made me worried.
.You’ve ever made me cry.

.but you always make me laugh with your jokes.
.You always make me smile with your smile.
.You always make me warm with your love.
.You always make me comfort with your care.
.You always make me tough with your support.

.though there are still lots of hard to reach dreams.
.there aren’t yet small hands holding ours.
.there isn’t yet crying baby at home.
.there aren’t yet little feet steps around the house.
.there aren’t yet adorable eyes starring at us.
.it won’t make our love less strong.

.I know I’m not good in arranging beautiful words,
.but from the bottom of my heart, I just want to say,
.Thank you for your love, care and support for all these times.
.I love you, I’ll always do…

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Four Parenting Styles

As I mentioned in my previous post, abusing is one of deviant parenting styles. Don’t do this! Each parent may use their own parenting style, but do you know that what you’ve done is the best to them? Applying the appropriate parenting style becomes crucial because whatever you do to your children will affect in their life in the future.

Some parents still make mistakes in parenting their child. To avoid making mistakes, you should know first what your present parenting style is. If you find that there’s a mistake, you can fix the problem immediately. Baumrind, Maccoby and Martin identified the parenting styles in early child development to four: authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent and neglectful.

Authoritative parenting

This parenting style encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions. Authoritative parents allow the child to explore more freely and to make their own decisions based upon their own reasoning.

When punishing a child, the authoritative parents will always explain his or her motive for their punishment. The punishments are measured and consistent in discipline, not harsh or arbitrary. This is the most recommended parenting style by the child parenting experts.

Being raised with the authoritative style, the children will have a higher self esteem and independence because of the democratic nature. Children are often cheerful, self-controlled, self-confidence and achievement–oriented. They will keep friendly relations with peers, cooperate with adults, manage well with stress, do well in school and have a high academic competence.

Authoritarian parenting

Parents who apply this style expect children to comply with their demands and don’t allow for open dialogue between parent and child. Unlike the authoritative parents, authoritarian parents expect much of their child but don’t explain the reasoning for the rules or boundaries. They are unresponsive to children’s needs and are most likely to spank a child as a form of punishment.

Studies show that the children tend to be socially withdrawn, look to others to decide what’s right, lack of social independence, have low self esteem and low self confidence, have weak communication skills, lack of social academic competence, lack of spontaneity and curiosity. They are often unhappy, fearful and anxious about comparing themselves with others.

In the future, some children might also become a rebel by openly defying the parents and often might be estranged from their parents during adulthood. Authoritarian parents actually cause psychic destruction to their children.

Indulgent parenting

This parenting style is also known as permissive, nondirective or lenient parenting. Indulgent parents very involved with their children but place few demands or controls on them. They are very responsive to the child's needs and wishes and will do anything the child requests to do. Indulgent parents do not require their children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately. Some parents find it easier to communicate with their children in this way.

Children will rarely learn respect for others and have difficulty controlling their behavior. They might be domineering, egocentric, noncompliant, impulsive, and have difficulties in peer relations. When in trouble, the child will simply blame someone else even if it was his or her own fault. However, like a child raised in an authoritative parents and unlike a child raised in an authoritarian parents; the children will often continue to have a close and loving relationship with the parents in adulthood.

Neglectful parenting

Neglectful parenting is also called uninvolved, dismissive, or hands-off parenting. The parents are low in warmth and control, low in responsiveness, and do not set limits. Parents are unsupportive of their children, but will still provide basic needs for the child. Neglectful parents are focused on their own needs more than the needs of their own child.

Children often become immature, display contradictory behavior, tend to be socially incompetent, and frequently have low self-esteem. In adolescence, they may show patterns of truancy and delinquency. They often experience depression and social withdrawal, and are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior and drugs than children of authoritative parents. Some children will grow up feeling hate against their parents and often might be estranged from them into adulthood.

Each parenting style will determine how the child’s life in the future. Since the authoritative style is the best parenting style, as parents, for the shake of your child’s life, you should try and do your best to apply this parenting style in your family.

rewrite source: http://en.wikipedia.org

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Child Abuse : Learn from Michael Jackson’s Story

There is something we can learn from Michael Jackson's story. What happened to Michael Jackson was a tragedy; he was an appropriate example of a victim of child abuse that was done by his own father, Joseph Walter “Joe” Jackson.

Michael Jackson’s childhood abuse was very terrible. For the first time, Michael talked openly about his childhood abuse in a 1993 interview with Oprah Winfrey. He said that during his childhood he often cried from loneliness and would sometimes start to vomit upon seeing his father. In other high profile interview, Living with Michael Jackson (2003), Michael covered his face with his hand and began crying when talking about his childhood abuse.

Michael stated that he was physically and emotionally abused by his father from a young age, enduring incessant rehearsals, whippings and name-calling. However, he also credited his father's strict discipline as playing a large part in his success. In one altercation—later recalled by Marlon Jackson (Michael’s brother)—the father held Michael upside down by one leg and "pummeled him over and over again with his hand, hitting him on his back and buttocks".

Child abuse is the physical and/or psychological/emotional mistreatment of children. An abuser could be a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child. There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.

Children with a history of a physical abuse are at risk of developing psychiatric problems, or a disorganized attachment style which is associated with a number of developmental problems, including dissociative symptoms, as well as anxiety, depressive, and acting-out symptoms.

It is claimed that victims of childhood abuse also suffer from different types of physical health problems later in life. Some reportedly suffer from some type of chronic head, abdominal, pelvic, or muscular pain with no identifiable reason.

The effects of child abuse vary, depending on its type. A 2006 study found that childhood emotional and sexual abuse were strongly related to adult depressive symptoms. Exposure to verbal abuse and witnessing of domestic violence had a moderately strong relation, and physical abuse had a moderate one. For depression, experiencing more than two kinds of abuse exerted synergetic stronger symptoms.

Having physical and emotional abuse, Michael Jackson truly suffered those symptoms, didn’t he? It explains the reason why Michael had the ‘eccentric’ behaviors, ‘controversial’ life style, loneliness depression, and health problems.

New research illustrates that there are strong associations between exposure to child abuse in all its forms and higher rates of many chronic conditions. The strongest evidence comes from the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE's) series of studies which show correlations between exposure to abuse or neglect and higher rates in adulthood of chronic conditions, high risk health behaviors and shortened live span.

Child abuse extremely destructs the victim. Having learned from Michael Jackson's story; a deviant parenting style like abusing your own child will lead to the ruin of your child’s life in the future; whatever talented or clever your child is. As parents or parents to be, let’s say together “Stop the Child Abuse!”

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Parenting Your Twin Children

Are there twins in your family? Do you have your own twins? Having twin children is enjoyable but also troublesome. You must care two children (or more) in same age simultaneously. You will have very busy caring activities; especially when one or moreover all of them are sick.

Due to the condition whether the babies come from the same or different ovum, there are two types of twin: identical twin (monozygotic twin) and non-identical twin (dizygotik). Being different from non-identical twins; the identical twins tend to have the same behavior such as the same way in how they eat how they talk and may also the similar personalities.

You must remember that though the identical twins have the same genotype, they are truly different persons. Treating two or more twin children as one person is a common mistake that often done by parents. The parents usually give the same treatment to their twins such as choosing the same clothes, books and toys; including the almost similar names.

The parents’ mistakes in parenting twins will cause their children missing their selves as a personal; they usually think and do as one person. This condition is not right for your twin’s psychic development; it will lead to a bigger problem in their future. If someday they must be separated, each twin may have the lack of self confidence.

A children psycholog said that the most suitable parenting to identical twins is to treat them differently. You must recognize each character of your twins and give them different clothes, toys, books, etc. Your twins will grow up as their selves and each of them will be a complete individual.

Not only the parents should have an important role in parenting twins; but the other family member also should give a good stimulus to the twins. Example: always giving them a chance to choose what each twins want and like. Your all family member should teach your twins that although their looks are similar but actually they have their own character and uniqueness.

Read also the related article : How to Overcome Coward Child

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