How to Overcome Conflict with Your in-laws (1)

Actually, I still have other tips on how to build good moral character of your child; but I’d like to keep it for later. Now I want to discuss another topic. Let’s talk a little bit of marriage life here...

Husbands and wives, marriage life could be so complicated, right? As happens in many countries, a marriage unites and involves two big families. With this condition, conflicts may happen and it can influence your marriage life. Similar with the relationship between you and your mother/father in-law; having trouble with your in-laws can tend to be a sensitive problem that can pull your energy and mind.

Living together or living near with in-laws sometimes can’t be avoided. You may still stay at home of your mother/father in-law; or you live in the same cluster with your in-law; or your in-law stay at your home. It can be enjoyable cause living near with relatives means there are someone that can be asked for if you need a help.

But, on the other side, you may have troubles with your in-law’s behavior. From the small thing such as borrowing your goods until money problem; can tend to be a conflict. If it doesn’t overcome seriously, this friction can threaten your marriage life. How to overcome the conflict? I’ll mention some tips from Adriana Ginandjar, a marriage consultant and a lecturer of Psychology Faculty of Indonesia University:

Overcome your lazy in-law.
All complaints can be settled if there are already clear rules since the beginning. This agreement has to be obeyed by all occupants; ex: the rule on distribution of house tasks. You must learn to be assertive. Don’t allow your in-law’s bad habit. Don’t do anything can be meant that you agree with his/her behavior. Take action and settle the problem soon. Ask your in-law to discuss the situation and find the solution together.

Your in-law love to borrow your things.
It’s okay if she/he always returns it; but what if there are none of your things being brought back to you? It can make you annoyed because you won’t be comfortable to ask your in-law to bring back your things. To overcome this situation; always ask when it will be returned before you lending out your things. You may also say that he/she doesn’t have to bring it back by her/himself; your servant will take it later. You can also give little signs on your things to avoid being claimed by your in-laws.

As long as you’re in the right position; it’s fine to act distinctly, but still respectfully. Even your neighbor is your relatives; the tolerance of living together should always be applied. It can’t be allowed if someone comes in and out of your house to take your things without permission.

Read the following tips in my next post…

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Build Your Child’s Good Moral Character from Home! (2)

Before mentioning the following tips on how to build good moral character of your child, there is something that you must consider first before applying these tips. Yes, you should consider your child’s age. The ability of your child to comprehend the life values very depends on your child’s age:

1st stage: 0–5 years old

During this age range, children focus all action on themselves only. They still aren’t able yet to differentiate whether is right or wrong. Their mind set is very simple and plain. Ex: “I really want that toy, so, it won’t be wrong if I take it. Furthermore, if I don’t take it now, other will take it for me”. When trying to teach your child good values, you must repeat and repeat it again. Be patient and gentle!

2nd stage: 5-8 years old
Children begin to understand ethics and can differentiate between the right and the wrong deed. Ex: He will feel guilty if he takes thing which it doesn’t belong to him.

3rd stage: 8-12 years old 
Children decide on whether something is right or wrong base on what they hear from their parents, teachers and other authority figures. Children learn to know rules and law more seriously.

4th stage: above 13 years old
Children begin to apply values that they have received all this time, include the main principles such as ‘people should care one another’ and ‘the faith is above all’. They hate hypocrisy and parents’ platitude.

Moms and dads, here are the following tips for you:

11. Teach your child to save and choose things by reuse, reduce and recycle.
Let your child to store some used things such as cans, bottles and attractive cardboard boxes. Build her/his creativity and nature-love. Motivate your child to find fresh ideas in reusing the seconds.

12. Teach your child the importance of repeating the kindness.

13. Introduce the emotions to your child.Build his/her emotional intelligence. Don’t forget to let your child know various emotions. You may say,” I know you feel so sad right now”, “It’s okay to express your anger, but…”, “That girl looks so lonely, isn’t she?” etc.

14. Give the compliment every time she/he takes the initiative to do a good thing.
A gentle tap on shoulder, a gentle caress on hair or a warm hug will impress your child.

15. Teach your child to make an effort to achieve a realistic goal. Ex: if your child wants to have a toy that he’s seen on the store, ask him to save money every day to buy it. You can add his money later; but the lesson is he must ‘work’ first.

16. Introduce and explain the importance of giving a vote to your child. Take your child to a leader election event in your area.

17. Watch inspiring and educative movies / television program together. Discuss it and ask your child’s opinion on every main character in the movie.

18. Take your child to welcome a new neighbor or a new family member. Show your happiness by giving a gift to new comers.

19. Show your greatness of heart to your child; show them how you can solve the problem well. If you and your spouse have an argument; you should avoid yelling, blaming or insulting in the front of your child. You must find the best way to compromise and settle the problem soon.

20. Give your child a chance to repair his/her mistakes. Praise your child if he/she doesn’t make the same mistake again.

Read the following tips...

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Build Your Child’s Good Moral Character from Home!

Moral character building is the big task of parents. Children also learn good values at school, but I believe that parents should have the biggest role in building the good moral character of their children. Every parents hope their child will grow up to be a successful person with good moral character; but in achieving this goal, sometimes parents do mistakes.

So, moms and dads, I will mention here 50 tips on how to build good moral character of your child. Cause the tips are quite a lot, I will divide it into several postings. I hope these guidance will help you!

1. Build your child’s faith in God since the early age. Teach them the noble lessons of your religious belief and take your child to pray at the place of worship regularly. Bagi para Muslim, bulan Ramadhan seperti saat ini adalah saat yang tepat untuk lebih menanamkan ajaran agama ke anak Anda, tentunya disesuaikan dengan usia anak ya. Ajarkan Asma'ul Husna sejak dini, jadikan sebagai salah satu acuan dalam membangun karakter baik pada anak Anda. Sebagai orang tua, Anda wajib membangun pondasi iman yang kuat pada anak Anda!


2. Several polite words.
   Teach your child to always use several magic words such as thank you, please, May I …, etc. Give the straight guidance on how and when to use these words. Your child will be used to speak politely; including if your child asks something.


3. Teach your child how to socialize.
   Make ‘a little party’ for your toddler at home. Ask your child to invite his/her ‘closest’ friends, including the favorite dolls/toys and pet. Give the example how to make a friendly conversation and ask your child to follow it. If you think he/she is already prepared, take your child to your big family gathering or any other community event in your neighborhood.


4. Teach your child how to take care of things. You can give your child something alive that she/he must participate in taking care of it such as a plant or a pet (fish, cat, dog). Your child will learn more about the responsibility here.


5. Show your honesty to your child. As parents, you should try to answer all your child’s questions with honesty. Children will imitate parents. Be careful, children have sensitive feeling; they will know if you lie.


6. Appreciate your child’s belongings. Respect your child as an owner. You should ask permission everytime you want to take, use or even throw his/her things.


7. Teach your child to respect others. Tell your child not to differentiate his/her friends. Respecting others (not include strangers) can also be done by saying polite words and showing polite behavior. Don’t forget to remind your child to still alert for strangers.


8. Have a little chat and read a story before your child is going to bed every night. You may ask a few simple questions such as “What is the best thing and what is the worst thing that you’ve been through during this day?” Let your child evaluate himself/herself. Be a good listener; don’t cut his/her words. If the time is right, you may enter by giving good values to your child. Read a story is also a recommended way to giving good values. The point is you have to choose the appropriate book that contains educative matters.


9. Give the Best Family Member Award to the winner every week.
   You may apply this contest at your home. The winner is the family member who appraised as the most helpful and caring to other family member during the week. Be creative, set your own contest terms (who can be the participant and the appraiser, and what are the appraisal criteria).


10. Play the game: If I … I will …
    You ask questions that your child must answer to complement it. The wanted goal is your child can respond every question with applying good values. Don’t ask too many questions in one occasion; it won’t be fun anymore.
    
    Example:
    You say,” If I have lots of cookies…” Your child may answer, “I’ll share it with my friends”You may say,” If I see my toys are all over the floor…”
    “If I see my friend is crying…”
    “If I have broken my friend’s ruler…”
    “If I must stand in a long queue to get my lunch…”
    “If I get thirsty…”etc.
    
    If your child shows inappropriate reaction; guide him/her how to respond well to the situation and repeat the same question. Don’t forget to praise your child for every appropriate response!
    
    
    rewrite source : tabloid Nova

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How to Connect with Your Unborn Baby

In my previous post, I mentioned that parents can communicate with their pre-verbal child with applying baby sign language. How about your unborn child? Can parents connect with them? Scientific evidence shows that from the fifth month, the unborn baby in mom’s uterus is able to hear sound, be aware of motion and possibly exhibit short-term memory. Several studies also describe facts that the unborn baby can become familiar with mom’s and dad’s voices.
Since the unborn baby can hear, you can be early parents by connecting every day with your unborn baby in the womb. It should be done with you and your spouse together. Your unborn baby will get benefit greatly from regularly gentle and loving connection from you.

There are some connecting says that you can use:
“We know you are there”,
“We know that you are having your own experience”,
“We know that you are affected by how we feel”,
“We are listening to you”
“We love you very much”

Your unborn baby’s environment is most influenced by his/her mom. Everything mom feels, your unborn baby will feel too. That’s why it’s important for a mom to feel relaxed, supported and happy during her pregnancy. But in fact, it’s not easy to maintain happy feeling all the time. Stress, sadness, anger and other negative emotions can happen in our daily life. At these times, it’s important to connect with your unborn baby; tell her/him about what is happening. You should explain that your unborn baby didn’t cause it, it’s not his/her fault and it’s nothing to do with him/her.

You may say something like these:
“Mom is processing some feelings right now and they aren’t about you”

If you and your spouse were just having an argument; you should connect to your unborn baby and say:
“Mom and dad are having an argument and it’s not about you, not caused by you. We just want to work some stuff out together”

Even if mom has a very painful emotional upset during pregnancy, mom should keep the channel open to the unborn baby. By keeping the channel open, mom can bond to her unborn baby and this bond will help to offset any disturbances during pregnancy.

Not only mom cause she carries the baby inside her, dad is also very important. Baby need dad just as much, and after birth, baby will respond to dad’s voice; baby know who he is. Due to Dr. Wirth’s research, if the unborn baby in mom’s womb has been exposed to dad’s voice by dad's actively communicating; after birth, the baby will recognize dad’s voice and respond it. Dad’s role in connecting with the unborn baby, supporting and protecting mom during the pregnancy will create a wonderful bonding that can also contribute to a wonderful birth for mom.

There are many ways you can connect and bond with your unborn baby. Patting mom's stomach, singing, telling or reading stories, telling baby what you are doing or where you are going in your daily life, and dancing. One of the wonderful activities you can enjoy with your unborn baby is listening to music together. Studies have shown that babies love classical music, particularly Baroque.

Baby may respond by moving and kicking, and you can come to know what your baby’s different kinds of kicking mean; are they angry kicks, or excited kicks? Bagi Anda yang Muslim, alangkah baiknya jika Anda sedari dini memperdengarkan indahnya lantunan ayat suci Al Qur’an dengan banyak mengaji selama masa kehamilan atau mendengarkannya bersama bayi Anda.

Rewrite source: Bonding with Your Unborn Child by Karen Melton

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