Before "I Do": Marriage and the Money Question

Before "I Do": Marriage and the Money Question

This post was written by Joe Postien who also writes for onlineclasses.net and christiancounselingdegree.org

Statistics estimate that 45% of marriages end in divorce. The number one factor leading to couples splitting up? Money-related issues. Relationships disintegrate when partners have different financial expectations, spending and saving habits, and investment strategies than the other. Divorces in and of themselves are extremely costly too, what with lawyer and court fees and settlements afterwards.

It's just better to make sure partners are financially compatible before tying the knot. Going into a marriage, there should be no surprises looking, and that includes with finances. Make sure you are both on the same page by having a frank, open discussion involving the following marriage and money questions. It's not the most romantic or exciting topic in the world, but it is certainly an emotional one that is essential to having a working marriage. It may be what makes your marriage rock-solid where there otherwise may have been cracks in the foundation -- and it will save you a ton of money and heartache later on. For other common sense tips on saving money, check this out.

• Discuss how your parents handled money: So many of our habits are learned from what our parents did, especially with regards to money. It's important to know how each other's parents handled money, both to draw on their successes and avoid their missteps. Did one hide money from the other? How were things when money got tight? Knowing what you each learned, both in what you took from your parents and are consciously avoiding, can help you both understand each other's financial habits and aims.

• Check out your credit scores: Probably the least exciting of any pre-marriage planning, but people forget all too often that money is not just about numbers -- there are deep emotions attached to it. Credit scores can determine whether couples qualify for loans on new cars, houses, or businesses, essential aspects of building a future together. A partner's bad score can be a deal-breaker, one that will come as an ugly surprise if not disclosed previously. Don't let there be any surprises from a partner's past when going into marriage. Learn each other's credit scores, and work together to improve any discrepancies.

• Figure out who handles the bills: Money is power, and those who control the finances have it in a relationship. Therefore, couples used to living on their own and handling their own finances may struggle with each other to take control of paying the bills. Those who don't pay the bills don't know where the money is going, and are left in the dark feeling powerless. At the very least, meet together to do the bills once a month so you're both in the loop.


• Come to a compromise on who decides what: One of you is a tech geek, the other couldn't tell you the difference between a Mac and a PC but loves cars. So the techie gets to decide what computer you buy, while the car aficionado gets final say on your next ride, right? Well, maybe or maybe not. That's something each couple needs to figure out amongst themselves. Who gets final say on what purchases? Coming to decisions together is key, but so is knowing when to defer to the other who is more knowledgable.


• Know your expectations: How affluent do you want to be? Do you want to be extravagantly rich but have a spouse you will never see until retirement? Make sure you each know each other's goals for future financial success. It will help in all aspects of your relationship as you plan your future together because so many of those aspirations will be contingent on money.

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My Two Dads:Redefining the All American Family

This guest post was written by Sammie Jones who also writes on the topic of christian counseling degrees for onlineclasses.net

If you watched the Golden Globes last week you probably saw two things: Ricky Gervais subtly mocking Hollywood A-listers, and The Kids Are Alright racking up awards in almost every nominated category. I like to think that The Kids Are All Right didn't really win for the stellar performances of its stars Annette Benning, Julliane Moore and Mark Rufalo (because they weren't all that spectacular or funny)but rather for the refreshing and modern portrayal of American family life.

What I really loved about The Kids Are All Right is that it brought to light what many of us have been reading in news papers, blogs and websites over the last five years about gay parenting. Its become clear that the children of gay parents have proven to be better adjusted socially. They are also less likely to fall victim to gender stereotypes, and engage in anti-social behavior. Interesting if not for the fact that is the exact opposite of what many conservatives and pro-family organizations have claimed for the last thirty to forty years.

There are over one million lesbian gay, bisexual and transgender parents raising about 2 million children. Within in that population there isn't a difference between the desires of gay couples and heterosexual couples. All parents want the same things for their children; happiness, health, opportunity, prosperity and confidence for their children. A study by UCLA's Williams Institute found that “Good parents are good parents no matter their sexual orientation”. Shocking!

A recent study conducted by contemporary gender studies professor Judith Stacey, and Kate Kendall head of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, found that children of gay parents were more likely to reject rigid ideals of sexual orientation. The study went on to find that these children tended to show greater interest in the activities of the opposite sex. The parent-child relationship tends to have an feminizing effect on boys and a masculinizing effect on girls. Young adult girls raised by lesbian mothers were found to be more sexually adventurous, while boys were less sexually adventurous and more chaste. The study found no significant differences between lesbian and heterosexual households in terms of the mental health of the children involved in the study.

Another study by the National Adoption Center found that thirty years of research have concluded that children raised by same sex parents perform better academically, are more confident than their peers and have fewer behavioral problems.

Despite the hard evidence that the kids are doing more than alright, they're fantastic really, somehow the general misconception remains that these children are tormented, maladjusted, purveyors of anti-social behavior. And when the subject of bullying and teasing comes up the general assumption is that social life will be harder for them. Some indicators point out that some adopted children may find it harder to adjust a gay household. But these are children who have learned society's jaded view of homosexuality. Younger children don't have this issue, and any bullying at school is more than likely offset by a strong and positive family structure at home. In both cases, however, the healthy values that parents instill more than offset any negative experiences the children may be subject to.

What most of the studies, papers, essays and subsequent articles conclude is that gay parenting should not be conducted in spite of the opposing views of organizations like Focus on the Family. Rather, parenting should focus on maintaining confidence in both the children and the parents ability to provide a nurturing environment to raise a child. It's that kind of confidence that has produced the data that supports the notion that gay parents are good parents, and in some cases, better parents than heterosexual couples.

For the record I don't see myself becoming a gay parent anytime soon(I'm straight), but I do remember being teased and sometimes bullied. As the only black kid in an almost all white elementary school in white suburbia, I like to think I can relate. In the end it's about good parents being supportive of their children, and not feeding into the cycle of anti-social behavior that makes this an issue in the first place.

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Black-necked Swan

These elegant swans were captured on Swan Lake (Nusantara Flower Park, Cipanas, West Java, Indonesia). As their names, this swan has a unique black neck. It has a red knob near the base of the bill and white stripe behind eye. The sexes are similar, with the female slightly smaller. The cygnet has a light grey plumage with black bill and feet.

The Black-necked Swan, like its nearest relatives the Black and Mute Swan is relatively silent. Also, unlike most wildfowl, both parents regularly carry the cygnets on their backs. The female lays four to six eggs in a nest of vegetation mound. The diet consists mainly of vegetation, insects and fish spawn.

Black-necked swans spend almost all of their time in water. They actually have trouble walking on land, because their legs are set so far back on their body (to help in swimming).

A male and female swan usually mate for life, but will find a new partner if one should die.


Data source: stlzoo.org

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Resolving Marital Issues? How to Keep Your Kids from Getting Involved

Every marriage has its fair share of problems. Even the most perfect unions have their moments of marital strife. Whether your marriage is suffering from the usual small quibbles, or your marriage is in some serious trouble, it's best to keep your kids out of the arguments. After all, mom and dad represent, for young kids especially, authorities and guardians who are "perfect" in the sense that they know best. Although it's certainly not true that parents are perfect, keeping this image intact is an important part of a young child's developmental processes.

Here are a few tips for keeping your kids away from your marital arguments.

1. Never have an argument in front of the kids.Arguments, if you must have them, should occur when kids are away. Remember that parents are the basic model of behavior that young children emulate. If you are having a civil discussion with your spouse about something, then it is, of course, important for you children to see that this is how problems are best resolved. But if you must have a shouting match with your spouse, do it behind closed doors.

2. Don't talk about your partner in a disparaging way behind his or her back.When you are having problems with your spouse, it may be tempting to talk behind your spouse's back in front of, or even to, the kids. This is a terrible thing to do because it teaches your child that gossip and back-biting is an acceptable behavior. It also degrades the status of your spouse as your child's mother or father. Kids need models for both mothers and fathers. Creating a bad image of one will only serve to tear down these effective models.

3. Emphasize to your kids that no matter what happens, both you and your spouse will always love them.It's important for your children to understand that despite struggles within a family, both mom and dad will always love them. Whenever a marriage is suffering, kids tend to internalize the problems, and many falsely belief that these problems are their fault. Don't let your children fall victim to these false impressions; tell your kids you love them often.

4. Never have your kids serve as messengers.There will inevitably be times when you and your spouse will have an argument, and you don't want to talk to each other for a little while. The worst thing you can do, however, is to heighten the tension between you and your spouse by having your children serve as messengers. By saying things like "Go tell Daddy X" or "go ask your mom", you only make the tensions between you more apparent to your kids. If you have something to say to your spouse, tell them yourself; don't put your children in the middle.

Of course, keeping marital problems away from your kids is a lot easier said than done. But before you let your temper run away with you, remember that the relationship between you and your partner is the basis for which your children will learn how to interact with other people.
By-line:
This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics of nursing colleges. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: kitty.holman20@gmail.com.

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Watery Challenge : Red Rose & Heart Shape

Ooops…I forget to finish the challenge. I’m supposed to make a watery post that relates with red rose, heart shape and water. Though I’ve no preparation before, I don’t want to miss the challenge. Since there’s no real and fresh red roses here, I only use fabric ones. I hope the touch of water effect can beautify these images.
My entry for Watery Wednesday

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They Got Fish This Time!

As I said last week, we went fishing again yesterday. I guess zero fish on the last fishing makes my hubby and father curious. Reached the place at 1 pm, I ordered our lunch soon and my hubby rented two fishing tools.

The first two hours, still no result. I saw a boy there that can get fish several times in a row. Wow! Is fishing only related to luck? I don’t think so, besides luck, I think fishing also needs skill, related knowledge, good fishing tools and proper fish bait, right?

Later, while I was taking pictures a pigeon, I heard my hubby’s scream (we sat at different spots that time). Waaa…he got his first fish! He looked so happy, hehehe. A few minutes after this first moment, it came my father’s turn. Before we left the fishing place at 5 pm, my hubby caught another two fish. Not bad for a beginner. I was glad they offer fish cleaning service, as I don’t like doing it. So, today’s menu is all fish!

I also link this post to Blue Monday, it’s my first time joining this photo meme.

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A Black and Yellow Spider

I saw this spider accidentally. My husband and my father were fishing at that time, and I started to feel bored. Wandering around the fishing area, I saw this little guy on the fence.

I’m afraid of spider, but the fear isn’t as big as my fear to cockroach. As long as the spider is unmoved, I still can take pictures. But I must hold my breath for seconds, to ease my shaking hands, hehehe. This spider is a pretty one, right? Look at its abdomen!

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