What is Love?

‘What is love’ is an intriguing question that mankind has failed to answer over centuries. Though it has no concrete definition, it is something that all humans experience at least once in their lifetime even if someone is considered to be utterly emotionless! While some define love as friendship, there are people who consider it as luck. Whether ethereal or not, it is a force of nature. Scientists refer to love and passion as a set of chemical reactions. However, love is definitely a force of nature that man will never be able to command, demand or make it disappear as per a whim.

/image:flickr.com/

Humans too have the ability to affect weather conditions but by doing so, one can simply jeopardize the ecological balance. The same thing happens in love. Mounting a courtship or staging a seduction may help us temporarily to fulfill our lust but those are merely infatuations and not love! According to experts, it is more like an illusion and as soon as the mirror breaks, we will realize that love was never there.

Love is far bigger than humans. We have the ability of inviting love but we do not possess the power to dictate its time and place of expression. While some people do think that they will never surrender to love and that love is nothing but a lie will eventually be struck by love. One of the greatest features of love is that it is never associated with any kind of codes, addendums, stipulations and conditions and is totally free and independent of human desires and fear.

Love is not tangible and it cannot be bought with money. It cannot be sold and it cannot be traded. It has no barriers. Legislation and imprisonment of love is not possible. Even if someone is put behind bars, love will grow and continue to exist. True love never needs a straight line of sight to stay strong. Love is not a commodity or a substance and hence, money is completely meaningless! Money can never buy love. Yes, money can buy marriage partners or sex partners but that is not love. Love knows no border and no territories. Love does not have any energy output and it does not have any quantifiable mass.

Companionship, attention and loyalty can be bought and even compassion can be bought any time but love has its own grace. It will come when it is time to come. No one can plan ahead of time to bring love in his or her life! Love is empathic and inherently compassionate. Manipulating love is not possible. If someone asks you to go against your nature to do something to change yourself, that is not true love. True love is not about perfecting pieces of someone’s character but rather it is about loving those shortcomings and accepting them. Truly, it is not possible to define love but it is something that is as true as the sun and the stars and the air and it is omnipresent and it is ethereal! Don’t define love - experience it!

Ali Asjad is a Sweden based relationship counselor and psychologist. He is also an avid blogger and writes on freelance basis for worldtransformation.com.

 

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September 30th, 1999

My mother left us for eternally at September 30th, 1999. It’s already years ago, but sometimes I feel it’s like yesterday. This afternoon, my husband and I visited her grave, right on her birthday. While I was sending prayers for her, my eyes couldn’t stop crying. Mom, I miss you so much!

I found this beautiful poem that very comforted me. I share here for every one whom their mothers have passed away as well…
Your Mother is Always with YouAnonymous

When you need mom most, don't forget she's still a part of you.

Your mother is always with you...
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks.
She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well.
Your mother lives inside your laughter. She's crystallized

in every tear drop...
She's the place you came from, your first home..

She's the map you follow with every step that you take.
She's your first love and your first heartbreak....

and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, Not space...Not even death....

will ever separate you from your mother....
You carry her inside of you....
/mothersdaycentral.com/

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Educational Daycare: a Great Solution for Busy Moms and Dads?

Nowadays, it has already become common facts that both parents, Moms and Dads, must work outside their homes. The piling bills and current hard economic situation force many parents to do this. Some parents ask their relatives to care for their children while they are working. If you have reliable and capable relatives who want to look after your child while you’re not at home, you’re lucky!

Some other parents hire a nanny. Well, it’s all up to you, parents, but I myself won’t try this option, unless I have known well the nanny before and she is recommended by people that I’m close with. Seeing news in television that showed a nanny tortured a baby makes me paranoid!

Well, if you are super busy parents who don’t feel comfortable to hire a nanny and you also live far from your relatives, have you considered taking your toddler to an educational daycare? My first time knowing a daycare facility is when I was in lower secondary school. There’s a daycare facility next to my school. Every morning, I see lots of parents came to entrust their children. Sometimes, I and several friends looked inside through the windows and watched several playing children and sleeping babies. So cute.

I agree with the importance of early childhood education, as recommended by many experts. It’s a big task for every parent. But as parents, you should realize that you aren’t specially educated and trained as educators for your child. There are lot of things about children’s grow and development process that you don’t yet aware.

For your information, there are five equally important areas of young child’s development. Remember this “SPICE”: Social, Physical, Intellectual, Creative and Emotional Development. To maximize your child’s potency, you should ensure that your child has experienced and passed through all these developments appropriately.

That’s why, in my opinion, your child also need early education from trained and certified early childhood educators at a certified preschool or daycare. Together with your children, you can learn from educators there. I’m a stay at home woman, so, I prefer to choose a quality preschool. For busy parents, a quality certified educational daycare can be the best choice.

Give your young child a valuable fun learning experience in a school environment since early age; and watch your child’s development progress in every area. You’ll be amazed and grateful!

I wrote this article as an expression of my opinion, after reading the article written by Emily Patterson and Kathleen Thomas. Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the Atlanta day care facility, a member of the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose Schools (located in 16 states throughout the U.S.) and part of the network of day care preschools delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum.

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My Money or Our Money?

I guess every married couple has different way to handle finance. Whether they combine or separate their finance. They can do whatever; since they feel that it’s right and most suit for them.

I won’t mention here what experts said about this. But for me, since I got married, there’s no more ‘me’, there is only us. I think as a team now. So, there’s no such thing like ‘my money’ for us…

We prefer to combine our earnings; and then divide it into several posts, including posts of our personal needs. If we want to buy ‘fun’ stuff, it should be kept within reason and not hidden. What about you?

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Poisoned Relationship (3)

It’s the last post of poisoned relationship topic.

Third condition: “I want to rule you”

It’s a message that stated by a person that categorized as a ‘bossy’. Different with the ‘difficult’ person, the ‘bossy’ person used to take over all responsibilities. If this person is in your team work; she/he will ask opinion to every team member; and then suddenly she/he steps forward and admits these opinions as her/his own opinion.

It is unpleasant situation for the victims who have original opinions/ideas. But, this ‘bossy’ person is so clever to manipulate others, so, the victims can’t be protest. This person usually has the ability to influence others; therefore, she/he often becomes a leader.

The ‘bossy’ persons don’t realize that what they do make others stressful. With their charm and cleverness, they continuously pull their manipulated victims to facilitate them in achieving their own wants. They can make others look bad or ‘stupid’; and she/he is the best.

How to face the ‘bossy’ person?

• If she/he involve in the same team work; don’t answer the questions. If the ‘bossy’ is your superior, seek a way to keep your idea safe with you.


• Don’t pay attention if she/he tells about rumor or someone’s badness.


• Speak out your objection straightly. Convince yourself that you’ve done the right thing.


• If your objection doesn’t have enough attention, and her/his behavior burdens you continuously; do the detox. Stop seeing her/him or take a distance. If the bossy person is your parents or your spouse; find a reason to stay away for awhile. You need a rest!
  

Rewrite source: Nirmala magazine and google

The picture is taken from open.salon.com

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Poisoned Relationship (2)

In the first post of this poisoned relationship topic, I’ve mentioned the first condition that can happen in an unhealthy relationship. Today I’ll step forward to the second condition. Remember again the big point: Stop Being a Victim! You must take the right step to get out of a poisoned relationship.

Second condition: “You all must be responsible for my happiness”
 

It’s a message that stated by a person that categorized as a ‘complainer’. Though it doesn’t straightly stated, this negative thinker often blames others; but rejecting to be responsible and do the self-change. They tend to generalize all cases as negative things.

Consorting with the complainer is so tiring; they suck your positive energy! Little problems can become big ones that he/she feels need to be complained. You, who listen to all complaints will feel ought to make this person happy, as the time goes by, every time you hear the complaint, you will feel the increasing burden that you must receive.

The complainer may look weak, but like the intimidator at the first condition, this person has the power to manipulate other’s feeling. They use ‘their weakness’ to force others to do what they want and need.

How to face the complainer? Here is the practical guidance for you:

• If the complainer always annoys you; stop being a victim by ignoring all complaints. Tell the complainer that the problem will be solved if he/she has a will to change.

• Tell the complainer that happiness doesn’t depend on anybody. To be happy or not is her/his own choice.
  
  Even though you feel sorry for him/her, ignore the complainer for awhile. Praise him/her if the complainer has tried to fix the condition by his/her own effort.

Rewrite source:Nirmala magazine and google
The picture is taken from positivesharing.com

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The Priceless Time

I read these good thoughts for the first time in one post of Emie's blog. She said that the author is unknown. I’m really impressed with the thoughts, so, I want to share the quotation and translate it into Indonesian. Please read it with your heart…

To realize the value of freedom: Ask a soldier or someone that has spent in prison.Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya kebebasan : tanyakanlah pada seorang pejuang atau seseorang yang pernah menjalani hari-hari di penjara.

To realize the value of being healthy: Ask someone who has over time has abused their body by overeating, smoking or drinking.Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya kesehatan : tanyakanlah pada seseorang yang telah berlebihan menganiaya dirinya dengan berlebihan makan, merokok dan minum minuman keras.

To realize the value of a sister/brother: Ask someone who doesn't have one.Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya mempunyai saudara perempuan/laki-laki: tanyakanlah pada seseorang yang tidak punya saudara sama sekali.

To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced

couple.Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu sepuluh tahun: tanyakanlah pada pasangan yang baru saja bercerai.

To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu empat tahun: tanyakanlah pada seseorang yang baru lulus menjadi sarjana.

To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu satu tahun: tanyakanlah pada seseorang yang gagal pada ujian akhirnya.

To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu sembilan bulan: tanyakanlah pada seorang ibu yang baru saja melahirkan

bayinya.

To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu satu bulan: tanyakanlah pada seorang ibu yang baru melahirkan bayi prematur.

To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu satu minggu: tanyakanlah pada seorang editor surat kabar mingguan.

To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu satu menit: tanyakanlah pada seseorang yang baru ketinggalan kereta, bis atau pesawat terbang.

To realize the value of one-second: Ask a

person who has survived an accident.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya waktu satu detik: tanyakanlah pada seseorang yang baru saja selamat dalam sebuah kecelakaan.

To realize the value of a friend or

family member: LOSE ONE.

Untuk menyadari betapa berharganya memiliki seorang teman atau anggota keluarga : rasakanlah pada saat kehilangannya!

The picture is taken from istockphoto.com

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Poisoned Relationship (1)

During our daily life we met many people with various characters. We don’t want this, but relationship with friends, relatives, neighbors, even spouse can become the poison in your life. How it could be that bad? It’s a common thing if we face a problem in communicating and consorting with others. But imagine if in this relationship: you are continuously being manipulated, being the angry target, and also being insulted without any rational reasons. Are you willing be treated like these forever?

Avoiding others that have done many bad things to you isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if the person is very close, such as your spouse or your parents. Of course, it’s a big dilemma, but you must stop yourself from being victim. Yes, the big point here is: Stop Being a Victim! You must take the right step to get out of the poisoned relationship.

I’ll describe this topic in three posts. Each post will describe different condition that can happen in an unhealthy relationship. Read it carefully; and then answer the question: do you experience this?

First condition: “You will regret if you don’t agree with it”.
It’s a message that stated by a person that categorized as a ‘difficult person’. Her/his response is usually unpredictable. This person can be immediately angry or underestimate you. At other time, he/she assumes you don’t exist. It aims to confuse your feelings; so that you are forced to follow her/his wish.

This person will force you to do everything he/she wants, in other words; he/she likes to intimidate or manipulate you. There are two types of these difficult persons: aggressive (full with explosive anger) and unagressive (full of persuasion). Both can give you big troubles!

Again, having related to ‘difficult person’ can become more complex situation if the difficult person is your closest such as your own spouse. You want to defend yourself but you are reluctant to argue. As the time goes by, you will react naturally. Because you can’t bear with his behavior anymore and also can’t state arguments, your reaction will be angry and angrier.

Angry is a normal shown reaction if someone feels frustrated or being attacked. The anger can make you feels stronger and shows that you aren’t a victim. Unfortunately, you need lots of energy to be angry. Let’s try another more proper way that is less energy and less time. Just focus on the feeling that you reject all intimidating threats.

Here are tips how to relate with the difficult person (it could be your employer, friend, or even your own spouse):

• If you’ve been attacked irrationally, you should ask what have made her/him angry. It indicates that you want to communicate, not to quarrel.


• If you’ve been insulted and underestimated, ask what the reason is. If you’ve truly have done mistakes, admit it. Remember to convince yourself that you still have dignity and confidence.


• Give positive feedback. You may say,” I understand that you feel angry now”. It refers your will to understand his/her frustration without any blaming or self defencing.


• No need to be cared about. Let the person angry, but don’t allow it influent you. You should do this if the difficult person is your parents. Keep doing good things to your mother/father. Speak out if you feel the time is right.


• If the difficult person doesn’t have a strong emotional connection with you, but he/she keeps doing unpleasant things, do the detox immediately. Assume the person as dangerous poison and make her/him out of your life for good. Don’t see him/her anymore!


• If the difficult person is your spouse: it would be better if you try to ask for another help, especially in case you already feel very hard to communicate well with your spouse. The person that you ask for help must be respected by your spouse, such as parents, a psychologist, a marriage consultant, a virtuous figure, etc. Let them help you and see what will happen then. Don’t make a hurried decision here, if the situation still can be fixed, do fix it! Be more patient; struggle for your marriage commitment!
  Set your own defended ability limit. If the situation is becoming beyond your ability limit to survive, you will know what you should do. Pursue your happiness!

Rewrite source: Nirmala magazine and google
The picture is taken from ufocon.blogspot.com

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Be Careful on Labeling Your Child

Dear parents, you may have a child that is always disobedient and do many irritating things, included involve in fights at school or your neighborhood. Your child’s behavior often makes you dizzy and it happens almost everyday; therefore, you assume him/her as a naughty or a bad child. Please, be careful on doing this; especially giving your child negative labeling such as a lazy kid, a naughty kid, a disobedient kid, a stupid kid, etc.

Labeling is a stamp that can have positive or negative characteristic. Whether positive or negative labeling, both can affect children behavior, because children have sensitive feeling, especially children in primary school age. In daily life, there are still many parents that give negative label, such as ‘naughty kid’ to their children.

Why there are children with ‘irritating’ behavior? An expert said it can be caused by only high children curiosity or as an effort to gain more attention, whether from parents at home or teachers at school. Do you have any other ideas?

A child that basically is obedient can become being hard to be controlled, if the child is already labeled as a naughty kid by parents and people in neighborhood. This attitude appears because she/he feels not appreciated or trusted…

Negative label can also make your child feels worthless, that’s why parents should be more careful! Moreover, the child accept negative label in perforce and the neighborhood treat the child as a naughty one. This situation can make the child feels the same way as assumed by other people, tough the truth is she/he isn’t like that. What a poor child!

The worst thing is, if the negative label has already attached; conscious or unconsciously, the child will act as a naughty one in his/her daily life. The negative label can strongly attach to a child if she/he receives it from parents, teachers and people in the neighborhood.

If your child has irritating behavior, don’t judge him/her by negative labeling, as parents, you should introspect yourself first to know the possible causes and then accompany your child and pay more attention to find the proper solution. You should build the emotionally closeness with your child, it can help you to know what your child exactly wants and needs. Learn to be a good and wise listener to your child…

If you’ve already given your child a negative label, do hurry fix it! Don’t be ashamed to admit your mistake and ask for apologize to your child. After this ‘reconciliation’, you and your child can take proper following steps to build your closeness again.Rewrite source:Tempo and google

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What Does A Happy Family Mean to You?

Would you like to share your mind more about the meaning of a happy family to yourself? Please share it in comment section…

Keluarga bahagia sesuai tuntuan Islam tentu terkait dengan kondisi suatu keluarga yang di dalamnya terkandung unsur sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah. Sebuah buku berjudul Perempuan karya Ustad Quraish Shihab menjelaskan dengan indah dan terperinci makna ini. Saya kutip sekilas saja ya, untuk mengingatkan kembali kita semua...

Sakinah mengandung makna ketenangan, lahir dan batin. Sakinah terlihat pada ketenangan lahir yang tercermin pada kecerahan raut muka yang disertai kelapangan dada serta budi bahasa halus yang dilahirkan oleh ketenangan batin. Ketenangan batin bisa terwujud dengan menyatunya pemahaman dan kesucian hati, serta bergabungnya kejelasan pandangan dengan tekad yang kuat.

Mawaddah mengandung arti kelapangan dada dan kekosongan jiwa dari kehendak buruk. Ustad Quraish Shihab mengalami kesulitan dalam menemukan padanan kata mawaddah dalam bahasa Indonesia karena kata ‘cinta’ belum dapat menggambarkannya secara utuh. Makna mawaddah bisa dijelaskan melalui dampak mawaddah yang telah bersemai dalam jiwa seseorang. Hati yang telah dipenuhi mawaddah terlihat ketika yang bersangkutan tidak rela pasangannya disentuh oleh sesuatu yang bisa ‘mengeruhkan’ pasangannya. Dia bersedia menampung keburukan, mengorbankan diri dan menjaga orang-orang terkasihnya dari hal-hal buruk.

Rahmah berarti rasa sayang. Keluarga rahmah adalah keluarga yang didasarkan pada rasa cinta kasih dan sayang di antara komponen-komponen keluarga di dalamnya.

Sources : Perempuan karya M. Quraish Shihab and google , Happy Family Group-Facebook
The picture is taken from istockphoto.com

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