>> Aug 10, 2009
Hi, parents, when you make mistakes to your children, do you ask forgiveness from them? There are still some people have an opinion that asking forgiveness is a sign of weakness and only emphasizing the mistakes. Do you realize that asking forgiveness actually shows the greatness of your heart?
Why some parents don’t want to ask forgiveness? The answers may vary. Some adults think that they have never done wrong, even though they have made a wrong decision, spanked or snapped at their child. Some parents may feel guilty; but they don’t want to admit it and ask forgiveness because these parents want to keep their face safe in front of their child. For them, admitting the mistakes will only show their weakness.
Sometimes parents forget that the house rules aren’t only for the children, but also for the whole family members, include the parents. As parents, we always say to our child,” When you make mistakes, you should feel sorry and apologize”. So, when you make mistakes to your child, why don’t you apologize? By asking forgiveness to your own child, you’ve given them the right example.
As ordinary human, it’s a normal thing that parents make mistakes. The important thing is don’t let it ruining your relationship with your child. You must remember that the children have sensitive feelings and good memories; every bad thing that you’ve done to them will be carried until their adult times.
You may still worry; is apologizing can eliminate the parents’ authority? No, it won’t if you do it in the right way; that’s why you should know the appropriate ways to ask forgiveness from your child:
- Admit your mistakes. Forget the feeling embarrassed; you must keep your warm relationship with your child first. By admitting your mistakes, your child will feel treated fairly and it’s also an important thing in asking forgiveness.
- Be sincere. Your child will know whether you ask forgiveness sincerely or not. If you just pretending, you’ll loose their trust.
- Be calm. It’s not a wise thing if you asking forgiveness while you’re still in a bad emotion. Make yourself calm first. Tell your child that you need times to be alone and will continue the conversation later.
- Use the straight words. You should remember that you asking forgiveness for what you have just done such as yelling, saying harsh words, making wrong decision, etc.
- Don’t blame your child. Don’t you ever say like this,” If you’re not lazy, I wouldn’t angry with you”. It’s not apologizing; in fact, you make the condition more badly.
- Say “Would you forgive me?”. After admitting your mistake, ask straightly whether she or he will forgive you. This dialogue will ease you and your child will learn how to repair the relationship. Don’t forget to hug each other!
- Evaluate. Invite your child to discuss about how to solve the problem properly. Make a deal on what things that should do if the same problem happens again later.
- Don’t do the same mistake. After receiving the forgiveness, you should remember not doing it again. Asking forgiveness several times for the same mistake will make you untrustworthy.
- Don’t be exaggerating. It’s not a wise thing if you ask forgiveness too often, it will make you loose your authority. Do it if you truly make mistakes!
Your child need to know that you are not perfect; you can make mistakes like they do. They also need for you to show them how to make things right so they can do the same when they do wrong thing.