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Poisoned Relationship (1)

>> Nov 30, 2009

During our daily life we met many people with various characters. We don’t want this, but relationship with friends, relatives, neighbors, even spouse can become the poison in your life. How it could be that bad? It’s a common thing if we face a problem in communicating and consorting with others. But imagine if in this relationship: you are continuously being manipulated, being the angry target, and also being insulted without any rational reasons. Are you willing be treated like these forever?

Avoiding others that have done many bad things to you isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if the person is very close, such as your spouse or your parents. Of course, it’s a big dilemma, but you must stop yourself from being victim. Yes, the big point here is: Stop Being a Victim! You must take the right step to get out of the poisoned relationship.

I’ll describe this topic in three posts. Each post will describe different condition that can happen in an unhealthy relationship. Read it carefully; and then answer the question: do you experience this?

First condition: “You will regret if you don’t agree with it”.
It’s a message that stated by a person that categorized as a ‘difficult person’. Her/his response is usually unpredictable. This person can be immediately angry or underestimate you. At other time, he/she assumes you don’t exist. It aims to confuse your feelings; so that you are forced to follow her/his wish.

This person will force you to do everything he/she wants, in other words; he/she likes to intimidate or manipulate you. There are two types of these difficult persons: aggressive (full with explosive anger) and unagressive (full of persuasion). Both can give you big troubles!

Again, having related to ‘difficult person’ can become more complex situation if the difficult person is your closest such as your own spouse. You want to defend yourself but you are reluctant to argue. As the time goes by, you will react naturally. Because you can’t bear with his behavior anymore and also can’t state arguments, your reaction will be angry and angrier.

Angry is a normal shown reaction if someone feels frustrated or being attacked. The anger can make you feels stronger and shows that you aren’t a victim. Unfortunately, you need lots of energy to be angry. Let’s try another more proper way that is less energy and less time. Just focus on the feeling that you reject all intimidating threats.

Here are tips how to relate with the difficult person (it could be your employer, friend, or even your own spouse):
  • If you’ve been attacked irrationally, you should ask what have made her/him angry. It indicates that you want to communicate, not to quarrel.

  • If you’ve been insulted and underestimated, ask what the reason is. If you’ve truly have done mistakes, admit it. Remember to convince yourself that you still have dignity and confidence.

  • Give positive feedback. You may say,” I understand that you feel angry now”. It refers your will to understand his/her frustration without any blaming or self defencing.

  • No need to be cared about. Let the person angry, but don’t allow it influent you. You should do this if the difficult person is your parents. Keep doing good things to your mother/father. Speak out if you feel the time is right.

  • If the difficult person doesn’t have a strong emotional connection with you, but he/she keeps doing unpleasant things, do the detox immediately. Assume the person as dangerous poison and make her/him out of your life for good. Don’t see him/her anymore!

  • If the difficult person is your spouse: it would be better if you try to ask for another help, especially in case you already feel very hard to communicate well with your spouse. The person that you ask for help must be respected by your spouse, such as parents, a psychologist, a marriage consultant, a virtuous figure, etc. Let them help you and see what will happen then. Don’t make a hurried decision here, if the situation still can be fixed, do fix it! Be more patient; struggle for your marriage commitment!
    Set your own defended ability limit. If the situation is becoming beyond your ability limit to survive, you will know what you should do. Pursue your happiness!
Rewrite source: Nirmala magazine and google
The picture is taken from ufocon.blogspot.com

12 komentar:

Blogger Admin November 30, 2009 at 6:36 PM  

firstn comment and i will say thanks for your support,nd for everything you do.....nice post n gudluck.....see u....

coolingstar9 November 30, 2009 at 6:50 PM  

This is the best ways to habdle difficult person.
Firstly, we ourselves must always maintain coolness. Always examine ourselves whether doing something wrong, dare to correct it bravely.
Anger is like the fire which burn ourselves as well as others.
After reading this post, I know how to handle it in the proper way.
Thanks a lot and wish you have the great day.

JT November 30, 2009 at 11:38 PM  

every relationship between human beings, whoever, it would be no noise n problem.
do not give up and find the best solution

Unknown November 30, 2009 at 11:53 PM  

Point terakhir, aku pernah mengalami hal ini.. Sempat terombang ambing oleh ketidak puasan berkomunikasi. Marah, sering kali menjadi pelampiasannya. Memang butuh orang lain untuk menjadi penengah antara kami.. dan syukurlah, hal itu akhirnya bisa kami atasi dengan baik..

Nice posting Lin.. sangat bermanfaat banget. thanks..

come n share December 1, 2009 at 2:04 AM  

oww..great post lina,but untill now I have never met people like this, if I have I'll try to learn their weakness and Try to I will exploit their weakness and make them smile for me . hehehh

Edwin's Personal Blog December 1, 2009 at 5:46 AM  

It can happen to our daily life, between those who cling to each other indeed. We should take good care of our relationship with open-minded share. Be careful for the 'poison' is out there...

Thanks for the share Mb Lina...

harto December 1, 2009 at 5:52 AM  

Trims infonya sangat bermanfaat, smg suksess n tetap semangat

Belajar Search Engine November 26, 2014 at 12:24 AM  

Thank you very much gan on infontya. I also post the same theme ne, try to see first whether or not the article I was good.

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Welcome to my blog. I'm a home maker, a stay at home wife. I'm just an ordinary woman who has interest in reading, working at home and learning to write. We live in Bogor, Indonesia.
This blog contains articles in family topic.
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