Couple’s Corner: Most Irritating/Annoying Habits for Both

In my opinion, this week’s topic of Couple’s Corner is a funny one. If you have chosen one man as your partner in a marriage bond, you should be able to accept all his annoying habits. The funny part is, no matter how angry you are because of it, you still love your husband…

As a couple, we aren’t perfect. Well, no body’s perfect, right? I’m not perfect, neither does my hubby. Each of us has annoying habits; but I don’t want to mention my bad habits here, hehehe. In this post, I’ll mention some of his habits that irritate me much, but as I said before, it won’t decrease my love to my hubby…

• I really hate his smoking habit! You might ask why I got married with a smoker then. What I can say, love isn’t a logical thing, right? Until now, he still can’t stop this habit, but while he’s smoking, I don’t want nearing him.
• Having taken a bath, he always put his wet towel on the bed.
• Having cooked in a kitchen, he always left a kitchen in a mess and let me do the cleaning by myself.
• He annoys me often with his silly acts. When I’m in a bath room, he likes to put off the light. When we’re watching a scary movie, he likes to make me surprise with dropping something to floor. When I’m writing an article for my blogs, he likes to annoy me with asking many silly questions, etc.

He actually has other annoying habits, but I’m afraid this post will be too long, hehehe. If you want to read other’s funny annoying habits, visit the site by clicking the CC badge above.

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Should Parents Compromise with Their Chidren? (2)

Dear you all, recently I’ve got technical problem. My computer is still malfunction, and now still being serviced. It may take several days to settle the problem. To my visitors, I’m so sorry if I haven’t yet visited you again…

Now back to this post. It’s the last post of compromise topic. What’s the difference between compromise and surrender? Compromise is very different from surrender. Compromise doesn't mean any old concession on your child's part will do.

It is your responsibility as parents to set up proper parameters of compromise and to hold your child to those parameters. If after offering the above compromise your child throws a tantrum, and you then agree to do your shopping in the afternoon but in return your child has to clean his/her room, you have surrendered.

When you first try to reach a compromise with your child, you must very clearly from the start identify those areas which are nonnegotiable. If there is room for compromise on an issue; it usually develops when both your child's separate and common interests and yours are discussed.

If you don't ask why your child want something to happen differently, or explain to her/him why you think something should happen in a particular way, it will be difficult to achieve a win–win compromise.

How to say a proper compromise to your child? The language you use is important, here is the guidance:

• You shouldn't say, "if you do this I will do that". This is manipulative and will probably come back to bite you one day as you are teaching your child the tactics of manipulation.
• However, if you say something like "if we do it this way, we can both get what we want". This teaches your child that there may be a solution in the middle that everyone can live with.

How about the limit? Yes, there is a limit. Too much compromise can also teach your child to manipulate. Your arguments need to be relevant. If you try to justify your demands with layers of argument, you are just teaching her/him to try reason after reason.

While it is important for your child to learn to reason and present a good case for what he/she wants, it is also important for your child to understand when no means no. It remains your responsibility to teach her/him how to cope successfully with the disappointment of not getting her/his own way and understanding that she/he will not always be able to control all of the events in her/his lives.

Rewrite source: brainy-child.com and google

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Couple’s Corner : Can You Read My Mind?

Do couples have the ability to read each other mind? I don’t know for sure about this before. Because of my curiosity, I browsed to find more information.

Daniel Siegel, a psychiatrist from UCLA, assumed that a mind reading ability as an ability to make a perception of other’s mind by interpreting the given clues (consciously or not). He named it mindsight, or an ability of brain to make a map of other’s mental condition. William Ickes from University of Texas gave the other concept; he mentioned it as Empathic Accuracy, an ability to feel precisely what other feels.

Every one actually has this ability, include children. It isn’t easy to read other’s mind. The accuracy rate of mind reading between best friends or couples is about only 35%, but they said that the ability can be trained more.

How is the process of mind reading? There are two approaches that complement each other: the help of our five senses and human ability to catch the emotional frequency of a person nearby.

Though the studies said that the accuracy rate of mind reading between couples is only about 35 %, I realize that I truly experienced it. As a couple, of course, we have a close relationship and a strong emotional bond. Having known well my hubby’s characters, personalities and preferences, when we face any situation, I sometimes can guess correctly what his reaction will be, what he’s thinking about and what he’s going to say. It happens vice versa.

But still he can’t read my mind and I also can’t read his completely. That’s why misunderstandings still happen in our relationship. That’s why we apply open communication. If we can read mind one another accurately, we can seldom talk, hehehe…

But I believe that the same frequency of our emotion (or whatever else) connects us. This situation happens to us often: He’s outside (at his workplace or other place), and suddenly I’m thinking about him. Commonly, a few minute later, he calls me and says, “Hay, what’s up? I suddenly remember you…”

This is my story, if you want to know other’s story about this interesting topic, you can click the badge above.

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New Year Resolution

This post is a tag that is given by Risma, the owner of lovely blogs : mommy mayonnaise, blog perempuan rumahan and cerita film. Thanks for tagging me, Risma…

Actually, I’ve never make any resolution on every New Year before, or just thinking at a glance about it. So, this is my first time. Well, there is always the first time for everything, right?

Of course, first, I should say that I feel so grateful for everything that I have had in this year. What is my resolution for next year? I realize that I still have to do some self improvements. I still have several bad habits that I should change and I also have to change my bad character, or at least decrease it. I’m a stubborn woman. My hubby has often complained about this, my stubbornness.

I think I’ll write down a list about things that I have to change. It seems that the list will be long enough, hehehe. It doesn’t matter at all, because I want to be a better person. One more thing, I’ll also rewrite my vision book. I wrote down all my wishes there. I hope things that I have wished for and it isn’t achieved this year, it will happen next year. Wish Allah answer my prayers…

Dear all, this post is also my last post in this year. See you in 2010; hope all the goodness will always be with us. Happy New Year 2010, everyone…

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Should Parents Compromise with Their Children?

I’ve written previously a post about what you should do as parents if you make mistakes to your child. It said that as long as you does it in a proper way, no need to hesitate in asking for apologize to your child.

What about compromise then? Some parents still assume that compromise shows their weakness, giving in and it will begin their loosing control to their children. Some parents still prefer to stick to their original demand to handle their children, whereas, compromise means that parents appreciate and understand the thoughts, ideas and feelings of their children.

As I mentioned before,compromise actually is a process of giving and taking. It isn’t shown parents’ weakness at all, but more to an effort to achieve a win–win situation for everyone involved.

Is compromise similar with negotiation? No, it’s different with negotiation. Based on the definition, negotiation expresses the right to say no, to refuse the offer/deal or to walk away. Compromise involves giving and taking. It is assumed from the beginning that there will be an agreement. The only question is what form the agreement will take and who will give way on what.

Compromise involves looking at the separate and common interests of an issue and seeing if there is a way for both sides to get some or most of what they want.

Ok, to give you more clear comprehension, I give you an example of compromise situation here: you need to get the grocery shopping done that morning (nonnegotiable), but you don't mind whether you get it done early or late (area of compromise). Your child has two favorite morning TV programs they want to watch, one early and one late. They want to watch both but there isn't time between them to get the shopping done. The compromise is the fact that you are prepared to time your shopping so your child gets to pick one show to watch, the one they like best. Everyone gets something they want, and your child learns to determine what is really important to them and at the same time learns they can't always get everything they desire. Well, it’s clear enough, right?

I’ll divide this topic in two posts. In the next post of this topic, I’ll mention the difference between compromises with surrender, the proper way for parents to say a compromise and the limit of compromise that parents should know. See you…

Rewrite source: brainy-child.com and google

The picture is taken from theunspoken.co.uk

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Funny Parenting Guidance

Please don't take all these pictures so seriously, just think it as humor. I just want to make you smile here...

Source: www.c00lstuff.com

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Teach Your Children to Compromise

Compromise actually is a process of giving and taking, a sign of strength not weakness, and an avenue toward a win – win situation for everyone involved. By teaching your children to solve problem among them with compromise, you also train them to learn to discuss and to build their empathy feeling.

If you have child more than one, apply compromise method in your family earlier. Start it from little things. Ex: when your children struggle each other to have your attention, tell them to ‘draw’ the order; to decide who will be the first, second… The other has to wait, listen and be patient waiting his/her turn.

An expert said that compromise can be taught to children since 4 or 5 years old. In this time period, your child still won’t be understood if you explain the meaning of compromise, negotiation, or diplomacy. So, the appropriate way to teach your child is by applying it in their games.

While your children are playing, it can be often if then quarrel or ‘conflict’ happens. The cause usually is no one wants to wait his/her turn to play; every child wants to be the first. If between them there is none who wants to give way, as parents, you should involve solving the situation. It’s the right time for you teaching them compromise. You may give alternative solutions, but with your guidance, let your children have the solution together.

I’ll continue this compromise topic in my next post. In my opinion, compromise thing in a family is one of interesting topic to be discussed. You might have your own question, should parents compromise with their child? Well, we’ll discuss it later.

Rewrite source: Tempo and google

The picture is taken from babble.com

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