The Secrets of Happy Couples
>> Apr 5, 2010
This post is still related to the topic of Couple's Corner last week. I’ve mentioned a little about the result of a study that conducted by Terri Orbuch and her team of researches. Imagine this; they have conducted the longest-running study of marriage in North America-22 years-wow!Again, I’ve mentioned here the result. The secrets of happy couples, that Orbuch and her team of researchers found, were amazingly simple.
"Really great marriages are not the result of long hours of hard work, but of everyday behaviors and attitudes, seemingly small gestures that show your spouse that he or she is noticed, appreciated, respected, loved and desired" Orbuch mentioned the secrets in her book: 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, and it’s based on the study's results.
You might want to know, what are a few secrets to make a great marriage, right? Here they are (just a brief of them):
Do small things often to make your partner feel special.Psychologists call it as affective affirmation. It includes compliments, help and support, encouragement and hand-holding - anything that tells your partner you're still paying attention. Orbuch said that what important is, husbands and wives should recognize their different ways of expressing affective affirmation.
Expect less, get more.Unrealistic expectations of men, women and relationships-in most cases- cause frustration, anger and hurt. All marriages have ups and downs, and even the happiest couples in Orbuch's study admitted that they argued.
There's no such thing as endless harmony. In fact, studies have shown that happiness in marriage begins to decline after two or three years, with the stresses of raising a family and maintaining a home together, only to increase again by Year 25, in what's called "the U-shaped curve." It isn't until after about the 35th year of marriage that happiness regains and even exceeds that of the first years.
Hold daily briefings.
Take at least 10 minutes each day to talk. Just talk. About hockey or movies or politics or what you'd do if you won the lottery. The catch is that it has to be something other than work, kids or finances.
The happiest couples were those intimately connected with each other's lives. They knew each other's routines and preferences, their inner lives and social worlds. They slowed things down to make time for each other.
Shake things up.Dullness is a real marriage-buster. Do new things together, to keep things interesting. Orbuch said that it's the best way to add passion into a relationship. Another trick for getting out of a habit is to exchange roles. If he's usually the travel planner and she's the cook, get her to book this summer's vacation and him to make Sunday dinner.
Keep costs low, benefits high.
Psychologists have developed a theory that people keep track mentally of how much emotional currency they spend in a love relationship compared with how much they earn or get back. She conveyed six behaviors that couples reported as being the most "costly" in terms of marital happiness. Among them: an unfair division of household labor, chronic arguing, jealousy or power imbalances, secretive behavior and conflicts with each other's family.
I think we, married couples, can learn a lot from this study…
