Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents
>> Mar 11, 2019
Co-parenting after a split is rarely easy. You
might feel stressed about child support, concerned about your partner’s ability
to take care of your child, or worn out by constantly trying to balance
parenting, work, friends, and life.
If you don’t feel
like you get enough time with your child due to a less-than-ideal parenting
plan, you may be tempted to give up and not even bother to schedule time with
your child. Men divorce attorneys say this is not
the answer. The experts believe that amicable parenting is the only solution to
end conflicts between co-parents and ensure your children’s well-being. So, for
the sake of the children, it is definitely possible for parents to devise a way
to overcome parenting challenges and develop a cordial relationship with their
ex-partner.
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| image:pixabay.com/illustrations/divorce-child-custody-custody-2321087 |
Fathers often
face a particularly tricky time co-parenting; they’re usually the non-custodial
parent and frequently spend fewer hours with the kids than their mother does.
Therefore, more often than not, it can be difficult for fathers to maintain an
active role in their kids’ lives. Luckily, if you
follow a few easy steps, you can achieve a successful co-parenting relationship
with your ex.
Many co-parenting
fathers and men divorce attorneys in New Jersey
swear this is the most crucial guideline of all. Poor communication habits or a
total lack of communication (often the same habits that caused issues in the
marriage) prevents co-parents form establishing a working relationship between
themselves and maintaining a parental role with their kids.
As their father,
keep the connection alive with your children by scheduling phone calls with
them and keeping a tab on their life. That way, you won’t feel left out when
you see them after days or weeks.
Use multiple
communication channels to talk to your co-parent: phone calls, email, texting,
and even social media. Remember to keep your conversations courteous, short,
and mindful, no matter what the platform is.
Remember, it’s
about the kids
Sometimes, you
might feel frustrated with your ex for something they said or did. Instead of
lashing out at them, think from the perspective of your children and do the
right thing. Hold back anger and regret and focus all your energy on your
children and what’s best for them. When a father
loses his grip on the situation and fails to control his temper, it can send
the wrong message to his children. Remember, your children did not ask for this
situation. Focus on doing everything in your power to make it easier for them.
Fathers often
aren’t vocal about their feelings; if this is you, try change that now. In a
co-parenting setup, you need to volunteer to get involved in your children’s
lives and keep that connection between you and them.
If you don’t make efforts to get involved in your children’s lives, you risk
checking out of their lives.
Every time you talk to your kids, make sure
you’re passionate about what they have to say.
Learn about the upcoming events at their school and schedule time to attend and
offer support however you can. Staying active and engaged in your children’s
lives will help you maintain a close bond with them.
Come together for
the kids
There would be no
greater joy for your children than to see their parents together at important
events, whether it’s a birthday party, sports game, or school event. Let go of
any negative emotions and come together to celebrate these moments with them.
If you can, take
your kids on an outing with your co-parent and spend quality time with them. If
things ended badly with your spouse, this might take a while. But, make sure
you practice it as frequently as you can. It’s
essential for children to see their parents in a healthy relationship because
it makes them more secure and happy.
Make your home
your children’s
It will be weird
for your children to see you living in a new home. Do everything you can to
make them feel at home when they come over to spend time with you. Let your
kids have a separate bedroom with their favorite toys and games in it. You can also encourage your kids to bring their
friends over to your place when they come. These small steps will go a long way
in communicating that they are important to you.
Be the bigger
person when petty conflicts happen. Losing your temper over insignificant
issues is the last thing you want to do. Be respectful of your ex-spouse at all
times, especially in front of the kids. It will be very detrimental to your
children to see their parents fighting. Take on a
forgiving attitude and don’t nitpick. Let the little things pass so you can
keep your focus on the bigger picture.
Be consistent
with your promises. Establish a ritual to meet and connect with your kids and
keep up with it. If they know you will play board games with them once a month,
don’t let anything get in the way of your plan. Keep your connection consistent
with them to not feel left out of their life.
Communicate your
plans with your ex well in advance to avoid any confusion or overlapping of
schedules. If you see your kids consistently, they will know they are always on
your mind and your top priority.
Mothers often
complain that all their ex does when he has the kids is have fun. Don’t be that
kind of a father. Take part in regular activities such as school schedules,
homework, and extracurriculars.
Keeping a balance between the monotonous
activities and the fun part will avoid any jealousy or competition between you
and your ex and will help create a healthier environment for all.
There’s no
denying that a father’s relationship with his children is irreplaceable. Don’t
expect the mother to take on your role. Follow up with your responsibilities as
a father whether or not you have custody
of your children.
The quality of your relationship with your
children will have a powerful impact on their overall well-being and identity.
When both parents participate in co-parenting their kids after divorce, they
grow up to be confident, secure, and resilient adults.
Brad M.
Micklin, Esq., is the lead family
lawyer Montclair and managing member at The Micklin Law Group, LLC. For
more than 22 years, he has helped men through some of the
toughest, most emotional experiences in their lives, including child custody
battles.
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