RELATIONSHIPS

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

THE PROBLEM – difficult relationship patterns

As we progress through life we are changed by our experiences, and how we understand those experiences. Sometimes we meet someone who will be a friend or a partner for life but often we outgrow each other, knowing when to let go of a relationship or when to work on it can be tricky. Of course maintaining a relationship with someone you just don’t like any more can leave you with feelings of resentment and confusion.

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THE SOLUTION

It might be worth you thinking about whether or not this is a relationship that you want to maintain. If you decide that yes they are worth it then all you can do is work on your part in the relationship. Relationships take work, a lot of work sometimes, and sometimes the most passionate relationships die the fastest – “The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long.”― Lao Tzu, Te Tao Ching.

If you have decided that you want to keep working on your relationships here are 5 easy steps to follow to enhance your chances of the relationshipmaking the finish line:

1.   Communicate.  One of the fastest ways to destroy relationship is to stop communicating.  If your partner says something you don’t understand or don’t agree with, don’t shut down and hold the resentment. Instead ask them to explain and talk it through. When challenging some one else’s beliefs or perceptions it can be useful to use “I” statements: I feel this, I think that, rather than you are this or you did that. This non-confrontational way of communicating can help a great deal during disagreements. Money is the cause of almost one-third of all divorces. If you’re having financial issues, consider getting some professional help. Kind words, given at the right time, are important too. Giving compliments to the one you love will help to keep you both connected.

2.   Respect one another. If you feel that you are not respected in your relationship and find yourself unable to really be your real self around your partner you should ask yourself why that is. Sometimes our relationship problems stem from our past and can present as frustratingly repetitive patterns. To help with this you may benefit from relationship coaching- working on your self can help you to understand your relationship dynamics and to break through any unhelpful patterns you may have developed. If your partner or friend is disrespectful or abusive, of course this is not the person for you!

3.   Give each other space. As the old saying goes – “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. The beginning stage of relationships is often characterized by feelings of being in love and a mutual, almost obsessional, desire to be with each other 24/7. After a while this fades and in fact it is healthy and desirable to take a little time apart is good for every relationship. To avoid feeling totally entangled with your partner don’t stop doing the things you love or spending time with your friends.

4.   Stay connected. As well as practicing healthy verbal communication relationships can really benefit from physical touch. Holding hands, exchanging massages, the feel of your partner’s hand touching your back as you fall asleep—these moments are as important as making love for many people.

5.   Be honest.  Being honest is imperative - lying, secretiveness, cheating are qualities that are almost guaranteed to destroy a relationship. Being open and honest in a relationship will allow your partner to get to know the real you and after all, we all want to be loved for who we truly are. Sometimes what we have to say may not be comfortable for the other person to hear but respect, compassion, and mindful communication can help us to communicate.