5 Tips to protect your family’s interest during divorce or separation
>> Oct 31, 2018
Going
through a divorce is never easy. Even in the best circumstances, emotions run
high and it can be difficult to make rational decisions that keep your family's
best interests at heart. This is especially true, where minor children are
involved and both parents are actively pursuing custody. The very nature of the
situation creates an adversarial relationship between the parents, which can
cause each person to lose sight of the important issues. While every divorce is
unique, following these guidelines can help you keep a level head and do what's
best for the entire family.
1. Organization is the Key
Even
though you're likely going to hire a professional
family lawyer
you're going to have to do quite a bit of work to prepare for your divorce. If
you can get the majority of this work done in advance, you'll be giving your
attorney a better starting point and this will help him formulate a stronger
strategy. Additionally, doing this type of work yourself can save you money, if
your divorce lawyer is charging you an hourly rate instead of a flat fee.
So,
how do you prepare for your divorce? You will need to gather as much financial
data as you can find, assembling bank statements, investment and savings
reports, statements from credit card companies, mortgage papers, and any other
statements that have a bearing on the household's assets and debts. This should
also include any child rearing costs, such as school tuitions, medical bills, and
other recurring costs. These statements will be necessary in determining the
division of property, the establishment of support payments, and issues related
to child custody, so it's important to create a complete picture. Keep in mind
that the judge will base his decision on this information.
2. Try Mediation
Family
court creates a situation in which each party is competing with the other in a
combative manner. While there are rules of court to keep things civil, emotions
do heat up and hearings often become an arena for name-calling and accusations.
The goal of attorneys in this situation is to earn rulings in favor of his or
her client, which means doing everything possible to make the opposing side
look bad.
Conversely,
mediation is a more civilized way to settle the issues in a divorce. While
attorneys are still present, their role is to advise clients and ensure their
client's rights aren't abused. In this situation, the two parties come together
to negotiate the issues that would otherwise be decided in a lengthy divorce
trial. They try to settle the division of property, child custody and support,
and other issues amicably. In addition to keeping the situation more civilized,
mediation can also save both parties money in court costs and additional
attorney fees.
3. Develop a Parenting Plan
In
some situations, working together with your former partner may be more
problematic. Many couples end up in divorce, because one partner is abusive,
either towards the spouse, or towards the children. A tendency to be violent
can create a difficult situation for everyone involved and is probably handled
best through court proceedings.
Otherwise,
it's a good idea to try to work together to develop
a parenting plan
that you can present to the judge. Even if your case goes to court, rather than
mediation, showing the judge that you can work together will help him make more
favorable rulings. More importantly, it will help you ensure your children
aren't thrown into turmoil over the divorce. The break-up of the family will be
stressful enough for your children, so trying to avoid arguments and insults
will help make a smoother transition. It's important for your children to know
that they can still count on both parents, even though you won't be living
together.
4. Reach Out for Support
Even
in cases where couples can separate amicably, a divorce is extremely stressful
and emotionally devastating. It's a time when everything is in turmoil and the
family dynamic is changing. While this is certainly upsetting to your children,
it can also be distressing to the adults involved in the divorce. A lawyer
helps you handle the legal aspects of the situation, but you may still need
help to learn how to cope with the emotional aspects of it.
Fortunately,
there are many support groups in most communities that can help people going
through a divorce. Some groups restrict access to women only, or men only,
while other groups are open to anyone. You may have to browse around to find
the group that's the right fit for you. The time it takes to find the right
group is worth it, because this type of peer support can help you make sense of
things. You're essentially starting a new life, so group sessions can provide
you with insight, understanding, and inform you of resources that you didn't
know existed.
5. When the Dust Settles
Once
everything has been settled in court, it will be time to start your new lives.
In the beginning, there will be some hurt feelings that will need time to mend.
No one is going to get everything they want in a divorce and each of you may
need to take time to process what the judge's rulings will mean for you. You
will have to divide up the property in accordance with court rulings and begin
any court-ordered support payments. There may also be a change to child custody
arrangements, which will have to be instituted.
Once
everyone becomes accustomed to the new situation, healing can begin. Everyone will
have to learn new ways of relating to one another, because relationships have
changed. This may be a time for you to reconnect with your spouse on a platonic
level. If you can get along and become friendly, as time goes on, the situation
will become easier to handle. Additionally, your children will feel more at
ease, if they can see that their parents are on good terms. While divorce can
create tense situations, it's important to keep in mind that it's only
temporary. At some point, you will have to relate to one another and
communicate without lawyers present.
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